No THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
That is why I ask the why's. If your WS is telling you it was because you worked too much, or weren't attentive enough, or anything like that it's complete and total horseshit, and you should call it as such.
A BS IS NEVER THE CAUSE OF AN A. I REPEAT A BS IS NEVER THE CAUSE OF AN A. If your WS is not doing everything in the world to convince you otherwise they are not doing enough to heal the relationship.
Are you doing IC? IM, you're dealing with a self-esteem issue, and face-to-face interaction is the best way to get help solving it.
I still think about all of this atleast 5 times a day. just can't shake the thoughts.
Not currently in MC or IC.
Our relationship is very good.
But I still worry. Guess I always will. Not that anything she does makes me think she would ever do this to me again, but I never thought she would in the first place...
I think helps to hear other people remind me it wasn't my fault. ... As simple as that is, it helps. It was not your fault, no matter what happened in past or what you did or didn't do, no matter what, it is NOT your fault. It was their decision.
What's ignored is there might well have been a reason you withheld something. You spouse may have been moody, harsh, whatever.
She no more gets to go have an affair for those reasons than you do. You find a way to deal with the problem within the marriage. Fight, talk, lock yourself in a room, insist on something, but affairs? That's low class, selfish, mean, and destructive. Never appropriate.
Face it, she fucked you over. Be mad, forgive, talk it out, or something, but don't feel guilty.
And I haven't heard anything that makes me feel like I could've done anything differently. Yes, I make mistakes and I have many flaws. None are anywhere close to cheating. I feel confident this one is on WW.