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Newest Member: Greengrass (61808)

User Topic: How Can I Forgive You
♀ 40274
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really liked this book. Same author as After the Affair. It says that forgiveness should be earned, not the responsibility of the better person.

It goes into what a real apology looks like. What a person needs to do to show they are really sorry. It also talks about how you can have acceptance without forgiveness, and that lets you get rid of the negativity and anger, without giving someone undeserved forgiveness.

I would recommend it if you are dealing with anger re the affair and divorce, or even r, I guess.

I liked that it puts the responsiblity back on the person who did wrong. I am sick of people telling me I have to forgive, because I believe I have to accept and move on but some things are simply unforgivable.

Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 446 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 1:37 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! Great review! I'm going to look for that book now! Thank you!

Posts: 2868 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 325
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sure I read that book as I think I've read them all. I don't believe forgiveness is for the victim. I think that entire theory is bullsh*it. I do believe the victim needs acceptance and needs to move forward. To me forgiveness is given when it is asked for and earned. And some things are just plain unforgiveable. The book that worked for me was "Forgiving and Not Forgiving" by Jeanne Safer, Ph.d.

Posts: 5662 | Registered: Jul 2002
♀ 20125
Member # 20125
Default  Posted: 12:05 AM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FYI, the author is holding a workshop at Kripalu.

March 28–30, 2014 Friday–Sunday 2 nights
How Can I Forgive You?: The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To
Janis Abrahms Spring

Feel the feelings and drop the story. - Pema Chodron

Posts: 2243 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 4

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