THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU , Itsaclimb!
All the things you wrote, you perspective on A and R, well, I really agree with and at some point (think I am getting there) I will completely internalize those sentiments as well and move on more.
I am starting to get "tired of it all", I really liked your comments about the worst case scenario and surviving it....if he did not accept my forgiveness and true caring emotions ...yes, spot on...Great perspective...it is all perspective...
I have to believe I really am a good person. I have always tried my best in this marriage...you kind of lose faith and trust in your OWN instincts when there is an A...it what is more, it is all maybe more about trusting MYSELF again (rather than him) and what I cam capable of and who I am
No doubt...his infidelity shook the faith I had in myself...this is really upside down thinking if I truly consider it...I didn't cheat...he did! Shook the faith I had in judging and trusting others...so I started to doubt other things I thought...thought were the true "reality"...maybe I was all wrong about EVERYTHING...it really shakes you to the core, doesn't it....yet even still, I knew, and know, that this thinking is off, but internalizing, letting rational thinking rule rather than scared emotions is hard.
I want to trust myself that I will be okay now. I want to trust that I am judging his actions realistically...see, this is more about me trusting myself and my abilities to see reality accurately and being able to handle it, this is more about me having faith in myself that I will, and can be okay...
Yes, worse case, (and it is hard to think about this but maybe helps to go that road...do you think?)
But how about I think about the best case scenario as well? That we will happy reconcile (are doing that already, that he will communicate with me (he is doing that) and I will communicate with him (yes) our love will grow and strengthen, (happening), we will have happiness in our new relationship, and it will be NEW, and sincere fondness for each other... and that when one of us dies, the other will be so distraught that the other goes soon after....of course I will be the one to be distraught first...
I don't think I am all there yet, but getting there. Thank you so much. I am going to print your response out and read it now and again...gives me hope one person has gone before me with a similar point of view as I have, survived and is moving on. THANK YOU.
[This message edited by morethantrying at 6:23 PM, February 21st (Friday)]