SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

ProbableIceCream posted 2/5/2014 22:08 PM

I still like the fairy tale idea of romantic relationships, but in practice I'm starting to feel like REAL relationships are too much trouble and too painful.

It's okay to be single indefinitely, right? To find my own warm feelings, somehow, and not have to deal with someone else's crap?

That would be awesome.

Maybe I'm just feeling a little withdrawn.

JessicaFL127 posted 2/5/2014 22:17 PM

It's still early for you; you may change your mind. I would be okay with it at this point in my healing, but I am extremely busy and happy being single. I wouldn't stop something from happening but I won't go out of my way for it.

ProbableIceCream posted 2/5/2014 22:28 PM

I probably will. This isn't a logical decision I've made. I'm just feeling both somewhat jaded/bitter about relationships (which is obviously my recent experience catching up with me), and at the same time feeling somewhat more self sufficient and having my own standards.

So like all feelings, it's subject to unpredictable change.

JessicaFL127 posted 2/5/2014 22:34 PM

I understand; I have been there. I love my life the way it is, but the willingness to be in a relationship is starting to resurface. I guess that means I am ready now. I am perfectly okay with whichever road I take- single or coupled.

worried_lady posted 2/6/2014 00:01 AM

Gosh I hope it is ok to be single for a long time. I am going on 20 years. If I met the right person I might change that but if I don't I am just fine doing exactly what I want to do and loving every minute of it.

fooled08 posted 2/6/2014 03:52 AM

I have been in two (1 1/2 year) relationships since my divorce in 2009. The most recent officially ended yesterday. At this point, I will just take time to enjoy new hobbies and meet new people (friends).

Honestly, I am content alone (a little too content). I can't imagine letting anyone in again, but I refuse to become jaded and think that it can't happen:)

I think when you are fully healed, and completely at peace with who you are and what you want, then the right person will come into your life:)

SBB posted 2/6/2014 03:54 AM

I doubt there will ever be anyone remarkable enough to risk this shit again. Certainly not for the next decade or so whilst my girls are growing up.

Right now my picker is still on the fritz. I don't trust my own judgement. I quietly judge those who do try to get into relationships with me - WTF dude, my world blew up 2 years ago, I'm only just divorced. I'm clearly not ready. Yet still, there's pressure straight off the bat. I just don't get it.

*I* wouldn't date me right now - let alone me dating anyone else.

Plus I'm enjoying my independence a little too much. Like, a lot.

If/when the time comes I don't want the fairytale - too co-dependant for me. I want someone who is willing to take their time and willing to let me take my time. I'm not just picking for me anymore, I'm picking for my girls too. This guy will become a part of my girls lives. Unlike their father a pulse, daddy/mummy issues and genitalia are not on my 'must haves' list.

I'd say its more than OK to be single indefinitely. Its even more OK to be OK about it.

Chrysalis123 posted 2/6/2014 07:27 AM

I think it is just fine to be single forever. I have been divorced 5.5 years and have only sporadically dated. Now, I am not interested at all.

I am realizing I have a very broken picker, I also don't trust my judgement and ability to get myself out of a bad situation.

The more I am single the more I enjoy my own company, and my own life. I don't need someone else to complete me.

7yrsflushed posted 2/6/2014 09:09 AM

I used to feel the same way. I still do to a point. I am perfectly fine with being by myself. I spend my time doing what I want to do with my kids and by myself. I am not ready to consider another person's emotions and feelings right now. I probably will be at a future date but right now I like being able to do what I want when I want and I don't want to give that up. Being selfish for the right reasons is a good thing. I am spending time on me and I needed it after the craptastic M that I had. I do have women friends that I hang out with but all of them know how I feel. I don't want a relationship, I don't want FWB's, I just genuinely want to hang out with some interesting people and enjoy myself and their company. There is no presssue when you tell people that up front and they get it. I get to have friends and it helps restore my faith in the opposite sex slowly over time.

She11ybeanz posted 2/6/2014 09:17 AM

I feel like this. But, I have WAY too much going on in my life between moving, my daughter of 18 months.... and drama within my family to involve another person. I don't have the emotional space in my life or the time to include anyone else and am choosing to be selfish....and have been single now almost 2 years. I'm not even dating at all....and haven't been on a date since August. Its kinda freeing.....not worrying about what someone else is doing or trying to make time for them. I miss cuddling....and companionship....but I know that it may be a possibility someday. I won't rule the idea out completely... but he will be one heck of a catch! I will tell ya that!

Helen of Troy posted 2/8/2014 19:54 PM

I will never be in another romantic relationship ever again.

Chippednotbroken posted 2/8/2014 20:15 PM

Older lady at work gave me the following unsolicited advice: only have sex on your lunch break and never give them your phone number. I chuckled and then thought hmm maybe.

PhoenixRising88 posted 2/8/2014 20:49 PM

@ SBB - This:

Unlike their father a pulse, daddy/mummy issues and genitalia are not on my 'must haves' list.

Almost made me spit Diet Mtn Dew all over my screen laughing...

The fairy tale is overrated... I wanna hear about the princess who is perfectly capable of waking her own self up, thank you very much, and who has her shit together, and the Prince who has his shit together, and they decide to have their shit together, together!

[This message edited by PhoenixRising88 at 8:53 PM, February 8th (Saturday)]

I.will.survive posted 2/8/2014 20:50 PM

I definitely believe the right relationship IS romantic and easy and all the supportive things you dream it would be!

If it isn't, it's not the right one.

But don't worry that you're missing the boat somewhere....yours is waiting at the dock when you are ready! You can't miss a boat meant for some one else.

Enjoy doing your own thing for now!