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Newest Member: Mercedes66 (46046)

User Topic: Really cheat on me whle im fighting cancer
Dreamsshattered
42374
Member # 42374
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello , Don't know where to start, married my husband 11 years ago, we both had been married previously and were very familiar with infidelity , we talked all the time about infidelity and always promised each other we would never do that to one another, cause we both knew the pain and damage it causes. well two years ago in may I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at the age of 52 we were devastated, and scared and in disbelief, I went through the surgery and six months of chemotherapy, was doing good for about 10 months when it came back, I decided to do a fundraiser to raise money for this awful disease and my husband was getting donations, we painted the town teal in sept of last year, and I found out on Thanksgiving morning my husband was having an affair with someone he meet at one of the places he went to get a donation, I was shocked beyond belief and still am, along with everyone else in our life's, we are also getting ready to adopt three girls we have had for about five years, to add to our family we have and the kids we have adopted,No one would ever have thought including me that he would do this. I am so crushed, and as I am fighting for my life he is going into her place of employment and seeing her , facebook messaging her, for the past three months , I just happened to have picked up his phone and he had a facebook message and that's how I found out. He swears that they never meet and that they only talked at her work and by facebook, the messages I saw was him offering to go get her soup, buying her electronic cig, he hates smoking. all this while I am at home fighting cancer and doing chemo , he always was by my side during the chemo, but one of the text message I saw to her was while I was having chemo, and he was sitting next to me, the conversation was about me and my numbers coming down, but he still was texting her . we have been going to marriage counseling, but I cant get past this, and am so lost and hurt, I cant hardly say a decent word to him, it seems to be getting worse with me not better, I cry all the time, and just so lost of what to do, of course he dosent want a divorce and never wants anything to do with her , and swears that all they ever did was talk, but it was still an affair whether emotional or physical, nothing helps with my emotions, and the fact that I have cancer also is very hard, cause I feel like if I didn't have cancer I would have kicked him to the curb. but my heart says no. I am a mess I go from one exstreme to another crying to anger, and its been three months already and its not any easier, Thanks for listening

Posts: 3 | Registered: Feb 2014
EB1541
♀ 42143
Member # 42143
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh honey, this story hits way to close to home. I had cervical cancer(cancer free as of feb. 2nd yay) But my husband started cheating on me while.i was doing chemo as well. He started two weeks before we got married. And I found out a month after we got married. I am so sorry you are going through this. I am here to talk anytime. Take care of yourself!

[This message edited by EB1541 at 12:38 AM, February 8th (Saturday)]


D-day Jan. 2, 2014
Just married Nov. 3, 2013
My age: 22, his age:26
One wonderful son together - 11 months old

Posts: 87 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
Uhtred
♂ 40392
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My god I don't know what to say other than I'm so sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you. I know you're not looking for pity and that's not what I'm giving you. I just can't imagine cheating on someone and especially not why they are fighting for their life. I wish you all the good in the world. I hope that your marriage works out and you are able to heal. Someone needs to slap your husband down to the ground for that.


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 633 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
SadInNC
♀ 42170
Member # 42170
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just want to give you my full support for what you are going through. You did not deserve that from him, especially now when you needed him the most. We are here for you. Post as much as you need to. More people will answer with better advice for you. I am new to SI and don't know what to do, myself, but I recognize shitty behaviour. My husband cheated on me when my mother was dying and I was nursing her 24/7. Not the same as your situation but that's when I needed him the most. Sending you love and strength...


BS/Me WH/Him

"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person


Posts: 345 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: North Carolina, United States
solus sto
♀ 30989
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, (((Dreamsshattered))) I am so very, very sorry.

I know you are crushed--trust me, we all do. But the MOST important thing right now is your physical well-being. Please be sure to get the nutrients your body needs to get and stay healthy; if you need to get a good quality protein supplement, please look into that. Also talk with your doctor about vitamin/mineral supplements. (Do check with the oncologist; some supplements can promote tumor growth, and you DON'T want that. Speaking of which, while melatonin is often recommended as a natural sleep aid---and your sleep is likely interrupted now--please ask before using it; there is evidence that it promotes the growth of certain estrogen-dependent tumors.)

Eating, drinking, sleeping, exercising all seem elusive in the early days. But your body really, REALLY needs this TLC.

That he did this to you when you were your most vulnerable is unconscionable. He has some serious, serious work to do. And it's not enough to say, "I was so scared!" Because what kind of man, when facing the potential loss of his wife, throws her and his marriage away?

The emotional rollercoaster is awful.If your husband is being truthful, though, and has stopped ALL contact with the AP, you will find, with time, that your sense of security increases incrementally.

Millions of hugs to you.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 9156 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you gone to any counseling alone? I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Since you are feeling so stuck, having a safe place to explore your feelings could be a great help.

Sending you strength and peace. It's not fair to be in this situation.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4235 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
MartlArts
♀ 36130
Member # 36130
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Dreamsshattered))). I really don't have any advice beyond the good feedback you've received on here, but wanted to send hugs, and strength to you.


excerpt from an awesome quote "Forgiveness - the finishing of old business that allows us to experience the present, free of contamination from the past."

Posts: 1003 | Registered: Jul 2012
JellyGirl84
♀ 41717
Member # 41717
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. It takes a special kind of bastard...


Me: BS 30
WH: 30
No kids
Divorced in June 2014
Together 10 yrs, Married for 3 of those yrs
OP: Ho worker
Divorced June 2014

Posts: 162 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Nj
StillStanding1
♀ 40144
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 12:46 AM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your story guts me. It's just hard to fathom. I am so very sorry for all you are going through. It's just overwhelming. Please take good care of yourself. Is there anyone who can come and help with the kids so you can get some TLC for yourself???? Please don't hesitate to reach out to family or friends. You need them right now.

You are stronger than you know. You will be okay. Keep posting. This is a great place with many caring people. We will lift you up when you cant find the strength.


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 746 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
Dreamsshattered
42374
Member # 42374
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone thank you all so much for your concern and understanding, I think I have found a place to talk, and get support, I do have support but if people have not gone through this it is hard for them to understand the pain, thank you all so much. is their a place to learn the abbrevations ,some of it I don't understand.

Posts: 3 | Registered: Feb 2014
Dreamsshattered
42374
Member # 42374
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please can someone help , I am falling apart, this affair he had has just about killed me, I cant stop the pain and the crying, I am so lonely no one understands, and no one can help. I just want it to stop.

Posts: 3 | Registered: Feb 2014
risingfromashes
♀ 3903
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. There are no words I can say that can be adequate to the support you deserve but know my prayers are with you. Do you have a support system? Family, friends?? Call them. Do not bear this alone. We are here too.

You are stronger than you know. You found your way here and are reaching out.


There is a wonderful life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1730 | Registered: Mar 2004
brkn_heartd
♀ 30396
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dreamsshattered,
My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry you are going though this. I strongly recommend you go to individual counseling to help deal with all of the grief you have right now. You have the grief of his A, of your cancer, of challenges with the adoptions (I would expect), the list could go one and on. You need the support of a counselor to help you work through everything.

We are here for you...but I know from experience, they have a way of really helping in a way that is unique to each of us. I am so sorry you are going through this. Is just is not fair.


Me-51 BS
Him 58-WS
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1720 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
Crushed1
♀ 6449
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Dreamsshattered)))) I am so sorry for your pain and that you are ill as well. Take care of YOU and come post when you feel like it. We all understand.


~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH

Posts: 9906 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
Skan
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sweetheart, you need someone IRL (in real life) to talk to. Please. Talk to the cancer center that you're a part of and ask about support groups. Be very frank with them in that you are dealing both with the cancer and with being betrayed by your WH. We are all here for you to talk to as well, but you really need someone who can help you process things where you are at. If there isn't a support group like that at your hospital, then call your local domestic abuse hotline and ask for support groups in your area. Because what you are going through IS domestic abuse emotionally.

And be prepared to find out that he's lying about the extent of his involvement with the OW. Because people don't start an EA to just pal around.

What is he doing to support you? What is he doing to get to the bottom of why, in your worse hours, he decided to run away and became a jackass? Is he in IC? He should be.

And what of the OW? Does she have a partner? If so, you should let her BH/BP know what she did ASAP, without telling your WH. This is both consequences for her screwing your WH KNOWING you and your condition, and it's giving her BS the chance to make a decision if he wants to be in a relationship with someone who has betrayed him. And, if your WH and OW are still in contact, and believe me, lying waywards will swear on the heads of their children, their hope of salvation, and the immortal souls of their parents that they have cut off contact when they are actually still seeing each other, outing the OW is a sure way to have your WH thrown under the bus as she tries to save her relationship.

Frankly, I would also go to a lawyer and find out exactly, what your legal rights are, if you decide to separate or divorce. You need do nothing with this knowledge right now, but knowing exactly what is likely to happen, child support and money-wise, is valuable.

Keep coming back to us for support. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 5255 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
jjsr
♀ 34353
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are no words. I am so sorry. Sending you good health vibes.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1667 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
refuz2bavictim
♀ 27176
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((dreamsshattered))

I am so sorry you are hurting right now.

I

am so lonely no one understands, and no one can help.

I know you feel alone. Please know that there are thousands of us, who would love to hold your hand through this. You really are not alone.


BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one


Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
Jennifer99
♀ 39551
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to send you some hugs.

Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
lastdance
♀ 42401
Member # 42401
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sending prayers your way.....so sorry to know you are hurting so much.......how can we help you...stay strong and healthy

Posts: 153 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: orlando, fl
Topic Posts: 19

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