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Really cheat on me whle im fighting cancer

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Dreamsshattered posted 2/5/2014 22:43 PM

Hello , Don't know where to start, married my husband 11 years ago, we both had been married previously and were very familiar with infidelity , we talked all the time about infidelity and always promised each other we would never do that to one another, cause we both knew the pain and damage it causes. well two years ago in may I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at the age of 52 we were devastated, and scared and in disbelief, I went through the surgery and six months of chemotherapy, was doing good for about 10 months when it came back, I decided to do a fundraiser to raise money for this awful disease and my husband was getting donations, we painted the town teal in sept of last year, and I found out on Thanksgiving morning my husband was having an affair with someone he meet at one of the places he went to get a donation, I was shocked beyond belief and still am, along with everyone else in our life's, we are also getting ready to adopt three girls we have had for about five years, to add to our family we have and the kids we have adopted,No one would ever have thought including me that he would do this. I am so crushed, and as I am fighting for my life he is going into her place of employment and seeing her , facebook messaging her, for the past three months , I just happened to have picked up his phone and he had a facebook message and that's how I found out. He swears that they never meet and that they only talked at her work and by facebook, the messages I saw was him offering to go get her soup, buying her electronic cig, he hates smoking. all this while I am at home fighting cancer and doing chemo , he always was by my side during the chemo, but one of the text message I saw to her was while I was having chemo, and he was sitting next to me, the conversation was about me and my numbers coming down, but he still was texting her . we have been going to marriage counseling, but I cant get past this, and am so lost and hurt, I cant hardly say a decent word to him, it seems to be getting worse with me not better, I cry all the time, and just so lost of what to do, of course he dosent want a divorce and never wants anything to do with her , and swears that all they ever did was talk, but it was still an affair whether emotional or physical, nothing helps with my emotions, and the fact that I have cancer also is very hard, cause I feel like if I didn't have cancer I would have kicked him to the curb. but my heart says no. I am a mess I go from one exstreme to another crying to anger, and its been three months already and its not any easier, Thanks for listening

EB1541 posted 2/5/2014 22:52 PM

Oh honey, this story hits way to close to home. I had cervical cancer(cancer free as of feb. 2nd yay) But my husband started cheating on me while.i was doing chemo as well. He started two weeks before we got married. And I found out a month after we got married. I am so sorry you are going through this. I am here to talk anytime. Take care of yourself!

[This message edited by EB1541 at 12:38 AM, February 8th (Saturday)]

Uhtred posted 2/5/2014 22:57 PM

My god I don't know what to say other than I'm so sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you. I know you're not looking for pity and that's not what I'm giving you. I just can't imagine cheating on someone and especially not why they are fighting for their life. I wish you all the good in the world. I hope that your marriage works out and you are able to heal. Someone needs to slap your husband down to the ground for that.

SadInNC posted 2/6/2014 07:24 AM

I just want to give you my full support for what you are going through. You did not deserve that from him, especially now when you needed him the most. We are here for you. Post as much as you need to. More people will answer with better advice for you. I am new to SI and don't know what to do, myself, but I recognize shitty behaviour. My husband cheated on me when my mother was dying and I was nursing her 24/7. Not the same as your situation but that's when I needed him the most. Sending you love and strength...

solus sto posted 2/6/2014 07:37 AM

Oh, (((Dreamsshattered))) I am so very, very sorry.

I know you are crushed--trust me, we all do. But the MOST important thing right now is your physical well-being. Please be sure to get the nutrients your body needs to get and stay healthy; if you need to get a good quality protein supplement, please look into that. Also talk with your doctor about vitamin/mineral supplements. (Do check with the oncologist; some supplements can promote tumor growth, and you DON'T want that. Speaking of which, while melatonin is often recommended as a natural sleep aid---and your sleep is likely interrupted now--please ask before using it; there is evidence that it promotes the growth of certain estrogen-dependent tumors.)

Eating, drinking, sleeping, exercising all seem elusive in the early days. But your body really, REALLY needs this TLC.

That he did this to you when you were your most vulnerable is unconscionable. He has some serious, serious work to do. And it's not enough to say, "I was so scared!" Because what kind of man, when facing the potential loss of his wife, throws her and his marriage away?

The emotional rollercoaster is awful.If your husband is being truthful, though, and has stopped ALL contact with the AP, you will find, with time, that your sense of security increases incrementally.

Millions of hugs to you.

norabird posted 2/6/2014 13:12 PM

Have you gone to any counseling alone? I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Since you are feeling so stuck, having a safe place to explore your feelings could be a great help.

Sending you strength and peace. It's not fair to be in this situation.

MartlArts posted 2/6/2014 16:25 PM

(((Dreamsshattered))). I really don't have any advice beyond the good feedback you've received on here, but wanted to send hugs, and strength to you.

JellyGirl84 posted 2/6/2014 20:40 PM

Wow. It takes a special kind of bastard...

StillStanding1 posted 2/7/2014 00:46 AM

Your story guts me. It's just hard to fathom. I am so very sorry for all you are going through. It's just overwhelming. Please take good care of yourself. Is there anyone who can come and help with the kids so you can get some TLC for yourself???? Please don't hesitate to reach out to family or friends. You need them right now.

You are stronger than you know. You will be okay. Keep posting. This is a great place with many caring people. We will lift you up when you cant find the strength.

Dreamsshattered posted 2/7/2014 22:42 PM

Hi everyone thank you all so much for your concern and understanding, I think I have found a place to talk, and get support, I do have support but if people have not gone through this it is hard for them to understand the pain, thank you all so much. is their a place to learn the abbrevations ,some of it I don't understand.

Dreamsshattered posted 3/10/2014 21:10 PM

Please can someone help , I am falling apart, this affair he had has just about killed me, I cant stop the pain and the crying, I am so lonely no one understands, and no one can help. I just want it to stop.

risingfromashes posted 3/10/2014 21:42 PM

Oh I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. There are no words I can say that can be adequate to the support you deserve but know my prayers are with you. Do you have a support system? Family, friends?? Call them. Do not bear this alone. We are here too.

You are stronger than you know. You found your way here and are reaching out.

brkn_heartd posted 3/10/2014 21:54 PM

Dreamsshattered,
My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry you are going though this. I strongly recommend you go to individual counseling to help deal with all of the grief you have right now. You have the grief of his A, of your cancer, of challenges with the adoptions (I would expect), the list could go one and on. You need the support of a counselor to help you work through everything.

We are here for you...but I know from experience, they have a way of really helping in a way that is unique to each of us. I am so sorry you are going through this. Is just is not fair.

Crushed1 posted 3/10/2014 22:31 PM

((((Dreamsshattered)))) I am so sorry for your pain and that you are ill as well. Take care of YOU and come post when you feel like it. We all understand.

Skan posted 3/11/2014 12:14 PM

Sweetheart, you need someone IRL (in real life) to talk to. Please. Talk to the cancer center that you're a part of and ask about support groups. Be very frank with them in that you are dealing both with the cancer and with being betrayed by your WH. We are all here for you to talk to as well, but you really need someone who can help you process things where you are at. If there isn't a support group like that at your hospital, then call your local domestic abuse hotline and ask for support groups in your area. Because what you are going through IS domestic abuse emotionally.

And be prepared to find out that he's lying about the extent of his involvement with the OW. Because people don't start an EA to just pal around.

What is he doing to support you? What is he doing to get to the bottom of why, in your worse hours, he decided to run away and became a jackass? Is he in IC? He should be.

And what of the OW? Does she have a partner? If so, you should let her BH/BP know what she did ASAP, without telling your WH. This is both consequences for her screwing your WH KNOWING you and your condition, and it's giving her BS the chance to make a decision if he wants to be in a relationship with someone who has betrayed him. And, if your WH and OW are still in contact, and believe me, lying waywards will swear on the heads of their children, their hope of salvation, and the immortal souls of their parents that they have cut off contact when they are actually still seeing each other, outing the OW is a sure way to have your WH thrown under the bus as she tries to save her relationship.

Frankly, I would also go to a lawyer and find out exactly, what your legal rights are, if you decide to separate or divorce. You need do nothing with this knowledge right now, but knowing exactly what is likely to happen, child support and money-wise, is valuable.

Keep coming back to us for support. (((hugs)))

jjsr posted 3/11/2014 12:20 PM

There are no words. I am so sorry. Sending you good health vibes.

refuz2bavictim posted 3/11/2014 15:28 PM

((dreamsshattered))

I am so sorry you are hurting right now.

I

am so lonely no one understands, and no one can help.

I know you feel alone. Please know that there are thousands of us, who would love to hold your hand through this. You really are not alone.

Jennifer99 posted 3/11/2014 15:51 PM

Just wanted to send you some hugs.

lastdance posted 3/11/2014 22:15 PM

sending prayers your way.....so sorry to know you are hurting so much.......how can we help you...stay strong and healthy

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