Before all of this I thought I knew myself pretty well and could trust my instincts. After dday I felt like I could make decisions about anything and I had no idea of what to believe.
After a lot of hard work and time I feel much better about trusting myself again and my instincts. I don't think it's dumb of you at all to start trusting yourself again! I completely understand you asking others if you should or if it's right. It's kind of scary isn't it to let your guard down and feel safe again? Maybe it's like walking out on a frozen lake, you are pretty sure it's solid but want to take small careful steps at first?
I think you hit the nail on the head with you are seeing "actions and words"! That's awesome. He came to you first with his feelings, I think that's a very good sign. What you describe sounds pretty sincere to me. I think you sound very smart to me!