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Newest Member: jaxonraine (61774)

User Topic: Hopeful
♀ 41741
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After an array of ups and downs and being frustrated to the point of leaving, my hubby seems to be getting it more and more. He was remorseful, cried, and has been nothing but great since I found out. He has never strayed from his story, not one word. He had made himself ill to the point of hospitalization before I knew and said he couldn't tell me. I still felt not sure and felt he didn't understand my pain fully. After laying it on the line the other night, he broke down completely. Now yesterday, he comes home from work and pulls me aside to tell me he never wants me in pain and hates himself for putting us there. He just cried and held me. It felt real. His actions have been great, but my insecurity kind of left a bit. Is it dumb to start to feel more secure in us? His actions and words are fully lining up to what I can tell. His feelings show a man utterly devastated. I want to help him and us.

Me FBS around 40
Him FWS early 40s (lovemywife4ever)
He cheated before M, forgot to tell me
"Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty we are free at last" - MLK Jr

Posts: 2224 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Midwest
♀ 41245
Member # 41245
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad to hear of a positive change. Often it's only when they realize you're about to leave that they start to get the impact of what they've done. It is a roller coaster and you just have to go with your feelings. Over time I think you will know whether you can handle the idea of staying. But with the family it sounds like you have some reasons to consider trying.

Married 10 years, together for 15
Me: BS Him: chronic boundary issues, EA for 2 years, DD Spring 2013

Posts: 296 | Registered: Nov 2013
♀ 41683
Member # 41683
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it dumb to start to feel more secure in us?

Oh man I hope not because if so this whole forum is full of dumb-dumbs. We're all trying to get there, right? Reconciliation is a risk. So is marriage, heck so is life. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself today.
It sounds like he's trying, and if you feel hopeful, I think that's a good thing.

Me: BS, 35
Him: WS, 37
Married 5.5 years, friends for 10 before that
D-Day: Nov 29 2013
"Massage" parlors & Casual Encounters
Working on R, not sure I can live with it.

Posts: 39 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: North Texas
♀ 37330
Member # 37330
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was in a similar place as you several months after dday. To me it shows he is remorseful and maybe you will have no trickle truth as some of us lucky few here.

Just remember it is a roller coaster and enjoy the good parts because the insecurities, at least for me, came back for a long time and still do (although much fewer and farther between). It really does seem to be a several year road despite wanting it to just be done.

Good luck

Today is the first day of the rest of your life

Married 12 years
Dday 1 10/12 PA
Dday 2 03/15 (sexting)
Together 11 1/2 years
I've loved him forever
4 beautiful children ages 4-12 (one not bio his) but his through love

Posts: 899 | Registered: Oct 2012
♀ 37575
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Before all of this I thought I knew myself pretty well and could trust my instincts. After dday I felt like I could make decisions about anything and I had no idea of what to believe.

After a lot of hard work and time I feel much better about trusting myself again and my instincts. I don't think it's dumb of you at all to start trusting yourself again! I completely understand you asking others if you should or if it's right. It's kind of scary isn't it to let your guard down and feel safe again? Maybe it's like walking out on a frozen lake, you are pretty sure it's solid but want to take small careful steps at first?

I think you hit the nail on the head with you are seeing "actions and words"! That's awesome. He came to you first with his feelings, I think that's a very good sign. What you describe sounds pretty sincere to me. I think you sound very smart to me!

Me: BW Him: FWH in our 50's
DDay June 1st 2012
cheated with prostitutes overseas

Posts: 700 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
♂ 42165
Member # 42165
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That sure sounds promising. Best wishes to you and your marriage!

Posts: 110 | Registered: Jan 2014
Topic Posts: 6

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