I would be angry, as well, if that's all the digging he's done to figure out why he'd blow up his life, marriage and his wife's heart.
Is marriage counseling an option for you two? Or IC for both of you?
Once he's done that, maybe you'll be able to feel more secure.
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!
And he just started crying and said "I told you I am sorry" "I don't know what else I can do".
He's not pulling in the same direction as you. He still thinks he can do this his way but his way won't work. His coping skill are broken or nonexistant. Think about it. When he wasn't happy before (bullshit excuse by the way) his broken coping skills led him to have an A. What has he done to put some new skills in place since then, nothing, and he expects to just work this out himself. This isn't a 2X4 but I agree with your assessment. He doesn't get it especially since he still has names and contacts in his phone. NC means NC and having names in your phone isn't conducive to NC. I wish you the best msmags. The shitstorm ends when you say it does. 180 and focus on you.
He still has her and the other OW contact in his phone but I have access to the records.
First, this is bullshit. He needs to get rid of that because you have no idea if he's calling from a landline somewhere using the number in that phone. It needs to be gone and BLOCKED.
Yep, "not happy" is a bullshit reason!And he won't go to IC because he claims he can stop on his own.
I agree and disagree. This feeling of not happy is the start. He needs to figure out 1. why he was unhappy and 2. why he felt that his happiness was more important then your feelings and trust.
That will open it up to go further - bounderies, FOO stuff, ect.
He MUST go to IC for this stuff. If he is still stuck on 'i was not happy' then he CAN'T do this on his own....
Honestly, if you are ready to have him served, then I would suggest that you draw your line - IC or done - because in the end, unless you want to stay in limbo with a broken WS, then its the truth...
Its either IC or you are done.
So, he wont go to IC and still has contact information. What are you willing to put up with? Have you given him an ultimatum or a time limit? You were already looking at having him served.
You said you just want your life back. Time to take it back.
"You are what you do. A man is defined by his actions, not his memory." - Kuato in Total Recall
I'm sorry he's not giving you what you need.
Secondly, it would appear he's doing pretty much NOTHING in the way of trying to get a better understanding of himself and his actions by either going to IC or MC with you.
Lastly, it really sucks, but having access to cell records really doesn't mean a whole lot, anymore. If your husband has a smart phone/droid or an iPhone, there are tons of apps that allow people to communicate with each other (chatting, texting, sending videos, video conferencing, etc. etc. etc.) rather than going through the usual channels such as regular old phone calls and texting, etc. These apps don't leave any detailed information on your cell phone bill like calls and texts would - their use just counts toward your data useage and that's about it.