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What *I* have....

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nekorb posted 2/6/2014 08:40 AM

Yesterday I started thinking about what it will be like when I am home alone, knowing that WH is out with OW or bringing her back to his place and spending the time with him that I so desperately want/wanted from him.

I started to feel sorry for myself for about a millisecond about what he was going to have that I was not...

..and then I corrected myself.

What I am going to have is the company of my teenage children, whom I really enjoy. What I am going to have is my integrity and my morals intact.

What he is going to have is a woman with no boundaries, no moral compass, and his own head full of guilt and shame.

And, not to introduce religion into it for debate, but just a point I realized in my mind this morning....

While my behavior about church and religion was really bad (several years ago as a result of abuse in the church and the ensuing PTSD), I was *saying* that I was choosing not to ascribe to or participate in my previously chosen religion....I was not blatantly and actively defying the laws of my religion whilst riding around on my religious high horse.

I am very happy to say that I'm away from those days and very happily back in my relationship with God, but when I wasn't there, I was at least honest about it.

I hate hippocritical(sp?) behavior.

norabird posted 2/6/2014 10:39 AM

I love the strength you show. Your integrity is worth its weight in gold, and all he has is some badly painted tinfoil. You have an amazing foundation for a better life and that is something to be so thankful for. As for him--too bad he couldn't even dream of being half the person you are, but not your loss.

nekorb posted 2/7/2014 07:33 AM


I'm getting stronger as time goes on. It's hard to get out from under the fear...but I'm getting there.

I still worry about making him mad. Still have to plan when to have conversations about hard things because it doesn't feel "safe". It's hard to imagine not doing that. But I'm trying to learn.

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