MY IC and my MC had us draw one up. Here is the contract my wife and I have. its something we discuss and change as needed every few months. To date, we have made little changes to it and it has helped tremendously.
OUR NEW LIFE: OUR NEW CONTRACT WITH EACH OTHER
1. No contact with AP at all. Any attempts at contact by AP are to be brought to my attention and you are not to read anything that was sent by him, or answer phone if it is him. No conversation at all is to take place between the two of you.
2. Hard stop Deal Breakers:
a. Another affair and I am done
b. Any lies about any relationships with others I am done
c. Transparency at all times, you turn into a liar again, I’m out.
d. IF YOUR SICK, GET HELP. If your depression is hidden again, I’m out.
e. We don’t stop counseling without mutual agreement.
3. Complete openness for both, cell phones, email, any check is OK! Clothes wallet, checking acct etc…. Suspicion is now healthy for building trust.
4. Walls and Windows
a. Never alone with another man/woman unless discussed ahead of time
b. Never alone in a car with another man/woman
c. No conversations about our marriage or any other marriage with another man/woman
d. Never bring anyone into our home without disclosure
5. Open and Honest Communication- No secrets, no matter how hard it will be to hear.
a. Discuss all attractions
b. Discuss all third party attention
c. Discuss all feelings good and bad
d. Be honest with yourself and aware of your feelings, then communicate that
6. Any questions about the affair are to be answered honestly for the rest of our life. Never be done answering questions about it.
7. Friday nights will be for scheduling our lives together.
a. Must plan at least one date night every other week
b. Must have at least 10 hour or more of our time
c. Must have at least one night of family fun time
8. Reconnecting and reassessing WE, I would like to do this daily but realize it won’t happen over time but once a week we can do this at least.
9. Meeting each others emotional needs. Reassessing how we are doing every quarter. Always have the conversation when they are not.
10. Contact about comings and goings at all times.
11. Do one thing special for each other a month, Give rather than take!
12. DS’s activities are a top priority for both of us. Any conflicts are to be discussed and addressed together.
13. We don't do anything in absence of one another that we wouldn't do in the others presence.
14. Confidants must be “friends of the marriage” and must be mutually agreed upon.
15. Social Happy Hours (outside of actual work functions) are to be attended together or not attended at all.
16. We never do anything without enthusiastic agreement between us.
edited to remove names.
[This message edited by lordhasaplan? at 12:48 PM, February 6th (Thursday)]