Did you actually see the messages from her, or are you going by what he's telling you? It seems a bit odd that some woman out of the blue would just randomly chase someone she doesn't even know, and just offer up anal sex to him - unless he's a Brad Pitt look-alike. That story sounds a bit too fishy - like it was engineered to make it sound as though she was the aggressor and he, the innocent victim led down the garden path. Unless you actually read all the emails and it happened just the way he claims, then I'd probably assume that somewhere down the road, you might find out differently and it will be hellish like it is for anyone who has to deal with trickle truth.
I wish I had a magic answer for you as to how you can deal with the obsessive anger, but unfortunately, I don't. Please take care of yourself and much luck to you in your healing journey.
Personally if this is the second time this has happened it would also lead me to believe there may be more. Hoping, for your sake, that there are not.
I think I'm mostly over the CONSTANT obsessing. I still check his email and fb daily and check the cell usage online but its not 20 times a day. But, he was really forthcoming with any information I asked for (and I asked for a lot). I'm just really sad now. I keep thinking that nothing will ever be the same. My oldest, 19, also found out at the exact time (thanks to a fb message from the OWs husband). She is doing better but now is constantly asking how I am. It's very sweet of her but I also need some space to be mad, sad or whatever roller coaster emotion the day brings. I spend a good part of the time faking it for my youngest that sometimes I just want to be left alone.
I wish I could blink my eyes and go back to the way things were. I think I read I here something like "it may not have been the perfect marriage but it was mine"". That kind of sums it up.
I hope things get better for you!! It's kind of nice to meet someone in the same boat. The stories are so different from person to person.
This is a grown and accountable person. He has to be responsible and reliable or he's of no use to himself or anyone else.
Excuses fall out of the sky like rain. Accountability is something trustworthy people possess.