Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-

SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Giupeppe (46032)

User Topic: Living in the moment..
vivere
♀ 34465
Member # 34465
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I choose to 'Live in The Moment' I think I can be truly happy.

If I think of the past I feel sad. I remember the innocence and trust now lost. I recall the betrayal and feelings of abandonment.

If I think of the future I feel it is tainted. We are still together so I have difficulty envisioning a future without taking stock of the past. For example a 30 year wedding anniversary will always be corrected in my head with "Oh yeah except for those years when..." I just can't seem to create a future without that element of sadness and regret.

So my question is - Is there anything wrong with just being? Is it even possible long term? Is it just glorified rugsweeping and am I heading for a fall?


You are responsible for your own happiness :)

Posts: 316 | Registered: Jan 2012
rachelc
♀ 30314
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't live in the moment yet. I was reading a book on it - maybe The Power of Now or something - the day before I hired a PI to follow my husband. I said to myself it was the last time I would spy on him again. Of course, I caught him with another woman. But anyway, there was a passage that read, "you are ok, nothing bad it happening to you right now." when in fact, it was and I was crying as I read it because there was something going on in my life but I didnt' know what.

That's why I can't trust living in the now. I can trust living in the now with everything about my life EXCEPT my marriage, and I have a good life. that part is ok and may be enough for me.
but with my romantic relationship - I need stability, security, trust, etc.

And living in the now when you're married to a really good liar, well, it's very difficult.
I commend those than can.

[This message edited by rachelc at 6:03 PM, February 6th (Thursday)]


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5771 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
vivere
♀ 34465
Member # 34465
Default  Posted: 11:53 PM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I completely understand rachelc.

Sadly, I'm not saying I am capable of living in the moment, not consistently. It's just in those moments when I choose to, it's good.

I'm just worried that it is a false happiness and unsustainable long term. The more I think the more confusing everything becomes


You are responsible for your own happiness :)

Posts: 316 | Registered: Jan 2012
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 12:03 AM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it only works if the now is authentic. Does that make sense? If you are happy right now because you are buying a lie, that is not sustainable or healthy or meaningful. It negates itself. But if your now is truthful, then it is a good approach--what you are appreciating has an actual existence in the world and isn't just a fantasy, so it SHOULD be enjoyed without worrying about what came before or may happen later.

Unfortunately for us gauging if our now was/is authentic is not easy.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4235 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Topic Posts: 4

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
adultry
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.