Forgive me from the start as I don't know how long this will end up being... I just went back to look at the calendar, because I can't believe that it has been 3 weeks since I first discovered FB messages w/ sexual content between WH and another woman. (Hope I get all these abbreviations right.) I have since found they have been chatting/talking a couple of different ways (including snapchat). He said it started out innocently enough but escalated, though he never intended to follow through with anything physically (the messages I found did include her suggesting she "get a room" for them, but he replied he thought communicating via phone was best). We didn't speak much for the first week. I confronted him and thought that would put an end to their chatting. Instead discovered that most of their chats occurred on a game app. They continued to talk, mostly about how I found out and what all I could have possibly seen. Did I mention this same woman has been involved (to what degree I don't know)with WH's married brother?
Anyway, I thought the chatting was bad enough but figured we would move on from there. Instead I discover, through the continued chats that he had a PA with a woman while he was on a business trip... as I understand it now he and OW met on a trip in 2007, saw each other again at the same conference in 2008 and had sex, and continued to talk to each other during the year. He claims that they never talked about their hook-up and it was just friendly/business talk afterwards, but the friendship eventually "fizzled out". They were at the same conference in 2009 but he claims they didn't even really talk to each other and he has had no contact since 2010. It took a lot of questioning by me to get all these details. I think he finally realized that I wasn't asking him any questions that I didn't already know the answers to and I think I may have the whole story now.
I moved from one end of the East coast to the other to be with him after college (a "few" years ago). We have now been married for 15 years. I am just devastated. The move was very difficult for me, as I left all of my family and friends behind. I feel like I gave up everything to "choose" him and he didn't "choose" me back. We now have 3 kids and I am lost.
This is actually the first time I have told anyone for several reasons. First, is that I have always told him that if he ever cheated me, the kids and I would be gone. We are still here and I feel like punk for not following through. Secondly, I am afraid others will tell me to leave him and I am not ready to do that. I'm not sure this makes sense but I feel very protective about his reputation. Mostly I think because I feel like his betrayal makes me personally look bad (like I wasn't good enough or worth enough). Also, because if we are able to reconcile I don't want others to be thinking about this (though I know I will never be able to forget).
Our kids do not know anything, though the younger 2 know Mom and Dad have spent a lot of time talking behind closed doors lately. I don't want them to know. I am trying to protect everyone as much as I can, because it will break more hearts than just mine. I did tell them tonight that we are all going to work on being better people and working as a team. It's been pretty tense at our house, even before finding out.
WH has already made himself an appointment with a counselor. He shows remorse, though at the beginning seem like he was more upset with me for catching him than at himself. He claimed he didn't do anything wrong re: the chatting, but has been remorseful for the PA from first confrontation. I am not sure how he kept that to himself for so long. I am not sure how to process something that happened a few years back.
Anyway, this is already too long and I am not sure what I am looking for here. Just needed someone to tell my story(my nightmare)to. I just wish I could stop focusing on the details or finding more details. I have more access to his accounts that I think he realizes and I am obsessive about checking phone logs, FB messages, and different apps. I just want it all to go away, so I can focus on what I should be...like trying to make it through nursing school. I really don't have time for this BS. Thanks for reading, if you made it this far. I have more thoughts swirling in my head, but I will keep them there for now.