[This message edited by TattoodChinaDoll at 8:06 AM, February 7th (Friday)]
Confronted him: 12/22/2011
This is the most difficult thing I've ever done.
I found I would cuddle with my dogs. Yup lay on the floor between my Dane, and my Golden, get in a big ole puppy pile. Best antidepressant ever.
Also, if someone asked me the best thing about my husband I would also answer how perfectly I fit in his arms and that he is a human furnace too! Just 10 minutes ago I thought this!!
But, many times during the last years I 've needed touch. I purposely get lots of massages, manis and pedis, facials, whatever - just so I can be touched. IT has been very important in my healing, especially the nurturing touch of another female.
He has passed since, and my new cat, will only lay by me when I am asleep. She certainly does not enjoy being cuddled. She is 110% Cat. The little snot makes me so mad, all I want to do is cuddle her, she has the silkiest fur of any animal I have ever owned.
[This message edited by Holly-Isis at 10:56 AM, February 7th (Friday)]
Mainly I stay for the kids. But I think it because I'm a fudging moron who believes him every single time he makes promises.
I am healed and happy, but I am different now, stronger, more independent, and while I enjoy his hugs, and comfort, I also don't rely on it. I pull my strength from within. Even with a spouse that does all the right things, I think we as BS's too heal, change, and feel differently.
While there are times of upset, and feeling the need to be comforted because of things that happen in life, I also know that I can survive without it.
Does that make sense? I am a touchy feely person too. But I guess I get enough of that from other people, places, and things (animals) that I don't rely on spouse to provide it.
I'm rambling here, struggling for the right words.....
I understand. One of my love language is physical touch. Like you, I want to be held, I want to feel loved. It's hard, I don't want my WH is touch me, at all. I try to love myself more everyday. It is hard, I know.