So now I find myself correcting people (probably driving them crazy) with "well they did a nice thing, but don't assume they are a nice person...just saying".
If we don't know the person we sleep with, know such intimate things about, and can list every mark on their body...quit assuming you know the character of anyone else.
True Love: What I have for my beautiful children.
Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.
I have worked with plenty of Nurses, and Dr's who personal character would make your skin crawl, and fearful of them providing your care.
Just yesterday on the news there was a story about a "nurse" stealing Morphine from patients in a nursing home. Yah she's a great person of strong moral character......
That just makes me sick to think someone was left suffering in pain because she was stealing their meds.
There are great people that have jobs that are not considered honorable, and there people who have honorable professions that are just scum.
But anyone can be despicable.......
"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks
So as much as I'd like to make assumptions with "strangers", I can't. You're right about the pain. It's there. But I don't think it's my reason for feeling this way. It goes back quite far. I remember as a kid seeing other kids be nice to someone's face, and behind their backs, they said horrible things about them.
I'm very careful who I call a friend these days. I believe in forgiveness and I do think people can change. I also believe there are many many good people in this world. I just admit I can't tell who they are, with the exception of those I've known for a while and closely. Every since the A's in my life, it's become a serious irritation of mine, when people I know so freely toss around the description of being "good" or "respectful", when they know nothing of them.
I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.
In fact, I assume everyone is out for themselves because that has definitely been my recent experience.
Unfortunately, it's really altered my view of the world.
XWW chose divorce over honesty.
My WH was in the military when he had sex with a bunch of hookers. So did all the guys in his squadron, save one decent Sergent. From the officers on down, it was not only done, but encouraged. One officer, when he found out that they were going to be on base lockdown, actually paid the whores to come to the base of the men. It was a group of morally repugnant dirtbags.
That being said, I don't assume all military people are like that. All the ones I met were, but that doesn't mean that all of them are. The one Sergent who wasn't a scumbag proved that. But I also roll my eyes every time someone starts talking about the "heroes" because just doing a job doesn't make you a hero.
Trust is like paper. Once it's crumpled it can never be perfect again.
My XWH was in the military. I also worked in a military office. I saw the same things you wrote about, dameia. It's sad. I think today, it's one of the strong points that's fueled my opinions about being too quick to assume character.
I've sat by and watched so many people keep quiet when they hear about someone cheating or abusing a spouse, or children. Their reasoning:
"He/she's such a nice person though"
"I don't think we have the whole story"
"Yeah, but do you see how his/her wife treats him"
"I don't believe they did that without justification"
"Yeah, but what did their spouse do"
So the good acts make it harder for people to stand up to them when they do wrong.
The OM is a super creep (Cheating on his wife and four young kids)and all the while posing for romantic and family Instragram pictures with his spouse.
We have to be careful, though, not to paint an entire group because of the poor actions of one person.
She didn't have the brains or the language skills for an intelligent conversation. Just kept telling him what a good person he was....um.....he was a married man, doing what a good married man shouldn't have been doing....good man at the time? I think not.
[This message edited by Healinggirl at 12:42 PM, February 7th (Friday)]
D Day 11 November 2012
You can't scale a mountain in a single step