Welcome to SI. After hanging around here for several months, one starts to see patterns.
She doesn't want to hear the apologies anymore, because she says they mean nothing. If I tell her how much I love her, she reply's with if I loved her I wouldn't have done this to her. I've told her I want to help her heal, to which she says I can't.
What you're describing is normal, and to be expected. Imagine how you'd feel if you'd caught your wife having an affair. If you really think about it, I'm guessing "devastated" wouldn't begin to cover it, am I right?
What can I do or say to her to help her through this, to know what she's feeling, to know what she's thinking, to know if we have a chance together.
What I'm sensing here, is that you're afraid she'll leave you. Gently, though...you left her. You ended the marriage. What you can do is respect her wishes, give her space, and heal thyself. It's not up to you to "help her through this," if she doesn't want you to.
Everyday seems so uncomfortable.
Oh, you poor thing! How awful for you, not being able to hold and kiss your wife.
Look, I don't want to read you the riot act, but your post reads very self-centered, with a very high "I" count. Again, this is common with WSs close to DDay. Our affairs were the epitome of selfishness. I don't expect you to turn on a dime and suddenly put your wife's needs and feelings first.
Besides dealing with children issues our conversations/discussions are few and far between.
Around here we call this "the 180," and it's for BSs to protect themselves. As she should be, at this point, because in this post you're not showing any sign of recognizing how deeply you've hurt her. I'm basing that on the number of times in your post you mentioned how hurt, sad, and devastated your wife probably feels. Let's see, hmm, count by two, carry the one, I'm getting about...zero.