For me, the A was a tragic event in my life. It was traumatic, it affected me in profound ways, and I will live differently because of it. I will never forget about it and I will never be able to ignore or pretend it didn't happen. It does't matter how much time passes. It's a part of my life story. How I perceive it, make meaning of it, or feel about it will certainly change over time, but the truth of what happened and the accompanying loss will always be there.
So I feel that to not speak of it betrays its significance in my life. My suffering matters. The work my H and I have done in R matters. And as a result, it has become a significant part of my story. I also think that to not speak of runs the risk of empowering the A itself -- i.e., we do not speak of he-who-will-not-be-named (ref Harry Potter's Voldemort) So name it. It happened. It is what it is. It shouldn't be allowed to become some taboo subject that's too dangerous or scary to talk about.
Ask your H how he feels about you bringing it up and talking about it.
I think that you talking about it, especially when you're triggered is a healthy response especially if your H responds in ways that are comforting. Sharing with him what's going on inside you gives him the opportunity to respond.
I think that the reason you want him to bring it up is this is one way you can have some assurance that he also gets the significance of it all. Is the tragic loss in your M significant to him, too?
I think it is healthy to talk about the A as much as you need. If your H ever responds in any way that is not conducive to your relationship, then you have cause to figure out if it has become an unhealthy thing to do.