I find myself mabye discussing different things with different friends, based on the level of the friendship. But I am recognizible with different people as just "me."
And where the heck was this "charm" hiding throughout our damn marriage?? I've NEVER seen him act those ways before.
What makes someone do things with someone else that you asked them to do with you many, many times but they acted indifferent to?
((((((Spelljean)))))
as a disclaimer I mean no disrespect to any people who like any of these things, but WS was not...well, not up until OW2 came into his life that is.
the arts. He refused to go to museums with me. Didn't like 'em, what was the point, only a bunch of artwork hanging on the walls, blah, blah, blah. Well, lo and behold, OW2 works in a museum. Guess who suddenly went to museums and art premiers and benefits, etc? I find every flippin' museum a trigger now so I avoid them too. perhaps one day I'll get over that trigger.
foreign films. I'm not into them and he never was either. But OW2 was. So he watched them and tried to convince me he liked them!
salad. with me he didn't "like" to bring salad for lunch because he'd need to bring the dressing separate, and the croutons separate. Yes, I know, it's dumb. But it was always "TRD, do NOT make me a salad for lunch. I do not want salad for lunch. I will not eat a salad for lunch". But OW2 apparently liked salad for lunch. So guess who started bringing salad for lunch?
yoga. with me I do yoga on regular basis. he wasn't at all interested in joining me, or knowing anything about it. But OW2 is involved in pilates. So guess who suddenly wanted to know more about yoga and asking me questions about pilates. That too is another trigger.
organic food. WS pre-OW2 always said "it costs so much more and there can't be too much of a difference". Post-OW2 "it'd be much better to buy everything organic" Well, yeah, it probably would be but considering our budget doesn't allow for that, it won't happen.
protein shakes/blended drinks. WS pre-OW2 couldn't be bothered to make them and never wanted one when I offered. With OW2 he couldn't get enough of 'em.
toiletries. pre-OW2 he bought his soap, lotions, body wash, etc at the dollar store. with OW2 he started buying these at a very-high end toiletry shop...to the tune of $28 for body lotion, $25 for soap etc.
And guess what, he's now back to not interested in museums, foreign films, salad for lunch, high-end toiletries, organic food or protein drinks.
So yeah, the list goes on and on about how different he was. Alien-like.
it's incredibly pathetic that he had to pretend to be someone else entirely in order to find anything in common with her.
The second I stopped playing XWH affair game and NCed him, their relationship started breaking down. No drama from me meant no affair fuel for him to keep his affair going.
..they act one way with you and can act out a totally different persona with the OP.
..I'm sure I would not have recognized my fWW in her roleplay as my bff's personal sex toy!!
..and maintained that role for 18 years, right under my nose.
..she enjoyed being two different people..until she got caught!
..her specialty was full-swallow blowjobs for him.. didn't do it at all for me... she didn't want me to think she was 'that kind of girl'!!
..behaved differently?????... well duh! NO SHIT SHERMAN!!!
smy
About nine months into his cake-eating, after I got my bitch boots on, I told him to D me if he wants out. That I couldn't wait until she was with him 24/7 so she'd find out quickly what an asshole he was in real life. He told me I was mean.
It's all fantasyland, Spelljean. Sad, pathetic losers who want to be the KISA, the super cool dude who thinks he's impressing others. None of it is real. And it can never last. It's not who they really are.
It was disgusting.
Months into R, OW wrote how she just couldn't believe FWH would change so much to be with me.
Reconciled
Why chase what you've already caught?
Prior he was loving.
Now, he's loving, supportive, caring, comforting, helpful, laughs, enjoys his kids, and is relaxed.
Former 80s Icon wishful thinking
[This message edited by phoenixrise at 10:48 PM, February 7th (Friday)]
For him, half the fun of literally anything is being able to impress someone. If the people he is with, male or female, don't applaud, cheer, show complete respect or adoration, he is bored.
Which is why he was bored around my family. They were always nice and polite to him, but he wasn't getting that same feedback he gets with certain friends, other women, etc.
If he was the same selfish, mean, angry asshole he was around me, nobody would fuck him. But, he didn't treat the OW very well. He totally used it, OW was really a cumdumpster. He had many rules. Only talking during the week. No calls when he was home and with his family. No weekends, no holidays or special days (ie, birthdays) spent together. No gifts. No dinners out. No lunches. No dates.
I am sure FWH bragged a lot. I would catch him bragging sometimes, and he would be embarrassed when he realized I overheard him bragging. He was terribly impressed with himself, although, he was actually very insecure and had such low self esteem.
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson "She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
Your WH sounds exactly like mine. The bucket with the hole that can never be filled with enough feedback or adoration. He's even told me over the years that he needs constant feedback. My reply was, "What are you? A two-year old?!"
So now he's paying third world prostitutes for that feedback and pretends to himself that they really love him for his sparkling wit, his muscular body ( ), and his intelligence, and not for the money and gifts he gives them. Pathetic.
And the truth of the matter is, he is the most boring person I have ever been around. Me, me, me, and more me, non-stop. I actually feel sorry for these poor girls, but I'm glad I don't have to try to fill that bucket anymore.
In MC, he said that he was attracted to OW because she was the center of the room and wild and crazy. She took her shirt off and danced naked in front of their boss.... He went out with her friends all the time. He drank regularly with her. He stayed out late at bars with her. He said that he had never had that life before, and he wanted it.
It pissed me off so much. I had begged him before the A to go out with me, and he wasn't that type of person. But he was with her. Then after the A he went back to not wanting to go out with my friends because he's shy.
