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Is this a red flag?

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lonelylost posted 2/7/2014 13:57 PM

After I hang out with my friends my SO always asks in a joking manner: "What did you tell them about me?" or he'll say, "Did you tell them how great we were last night?"

He has only met one of my close friends so far.

His questions, is this just a guy thing? or should I really be concerned?

Thanks!

GabyBaby posted 2/7/2014 14:06 PM

It seems a bit immature to me, but not necessarily a red flag...yet.

How old is he?

lonelylost posted 2/7/2014 14:40 PM

He is 47, I'm 41.

Maybe it's an ego thing? idk

See, at first I thought, does he want my friends to come on to him at some point? But because of my past, I never know if I'm projecting or if I have a legitimate concern.

little turtle posted 2/7/2014 14:44 PM

Sounds like he's insecure and wants to hear that you're telling your friends about your relationship to make himself feel better.

kg201 posted 2/7/2014 14:57 PM

Or it could just be his way of trying to figure out what you think of him. He may need reassurance from you that he means something to you, but doesn't know how to ask for that need. I think all of us need that reassurance from time to time...especially those of us who have been cheated on. Ask him why he asks.

Sad in AZ posted 2/7/2014 15:50 PM

Dig deeper. It's either insecurity, for which you can privately reassure him, or it's exhibitionism, which you may be able to nip in the bud, but otherwise I'd be very, very leary of him.

Amazonia posted 2/7/2014 19:19 PM

Is he doing it in front of his friends, or afterward when it's just you? I have dated someone who did this around his friends, and it was not about me - it was about them. His friends were the kind of guys who constantly ribbed on each other about everything. The kind of joking like, "woah man, what's a girl like Ama doing slumming it with you?" So for me to speak well of him in front of them, especially in that same over the top braggy tone, was basically saying I was on his "team" when we were out with his friends. On the other side, when we first met them, he was totally okay with the fact that I teased him in front of them and gave them some very small dirt to play with, because it meant that his friends adored me, and in that group, friends' approval is pretty important.

ETA durrrrr just saw it's YOUR friends not his. I agree that he sounds insecure. He is probably afraid they won't like him or approve and he'll lose you.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 7:23 PM, February 7th (Friday)]

NaiveAgain posted 2/7/2014 19:49 PM

It's a yellow flag. Just keep it in the back of your mind and watch his other behaviors and actions.

Mousse242 posted 2/8/2014 23:44 PM

He's your SO and he's only met one of your friends? He needs to meet more of your inner circle. If I was exclusively dating someone and had only met one of their friends, I'm pretty sure I would feel the same way.

Brandon808 posted 2/9/2014 00:08 AM

He's your SO and he's only met one of your friends? He needs to meet more of your inner circle. If I was exclusively dating someone and had only met one of their friends, I'm pretty sure I would feel the same way.
^^^^This!
As a guy I am well aware that many women place a high value on their friend's advice and support, especially when it comes to relationships. Getting introduced to a girl's friends is one of those steps that shows she is accepting you into her life on a deeper level. If I'm dating a women but I haven't met her friends then I would wonder if it's because of how she feels about me or if her friends have declined to meet. Either way I would be concerned something is wrong.

UndecidedinMA posted 2/9/2014 07:21 AM

After I hang out with my friends my SO always asks in a joking manner: "What did you tell them about me?" or he'll say, "Did you tell them how great we were last night?"

Not a big red flag but is it a reaction? I know I was like this in the early stages of relationship but it was a reaction. MY SO would tell me funny stories of what coworker said about his wife, or friend said about her BF. It made me think - Geez, what is saying about me?
Best way to find out - ask.

If you are sharing quips or funny tales this could be his reaction.
ITA if you are comitted he needs to meet more of your friends than 1.

homewrecked2011 posted 2/9/2014 07:41 AM

Did you tell them how great we were last night?

Red flag. Have your friends meet him and see what their thoughts are of him. When I dated a guy like that, he was trying to see where my boundaries were. Soon, he was talking about sex in front of my friends, stopping by to see one of my friends, wanted me to pick out women I wanted us to be with together,,,,you get the idea....

The first question is ok, but the second part would send me running. I've dated really nice guys before and NEVER did any one of them want to know if I'd shared sex life details with my friends == only the 2 sex addicts I dated talked like that.....

Brandon808 posted 2/9/2014 12:56 PM

Did you tell them how great we were last night?
Ok, I have to admit some naivte on my part. Was that about sex? Because if it was then I would call that a yellow flag and ask him about it. I mean was it intended to be some kind of joke?

hurtbs posted 2/9/2014 13:46 PM

It sounds like he's really into you and is trying to get a feel for if you feel the same. So, a little needy yes, but I don't think necessarily a red flag.

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