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MrsDoubtfire posted 2/7/2014 16:11 PM

I've just been screamed at by FWH after a minor argument. He screamed and accused me of lying and then escalated it.

I asked him to stop but he then started using that language:
"You've always, you've never!"

Then he said I'd always been a hateful bitch and I'd always been horrible. So I asked him to stop using that language as it reminded me of his A language.

He then called me a bitch and told me to get the fuck out!

I said I have nowhere to go; that I'd leave in the morning and he needed to stop escalating this.

He then starts saying he's asked me for the last 6 months to take notice of him and I'm asking what the hell he's going on about.

It escalated so I pretended I was recording it on my phone and he then starts gesturing at me " cut throat gesture" " all about the money gesture" " get out"

Then says in a very calculated and calm way (cos he thinks he's being recorded) how I've always been a bitch; how he's always been scared of me and how scared he's been since his A as I always have something to hang him with ( please not I have never brought up his A in an argument)

I've got nowhere to go but I do know that if I stay I'm an idiot aren't i?

Why?

Because I've just been gas lighted ......

Gutted.

So ashamed.
So deeply ashamed after all this time.

authenticnow posted 2/7/2014 16:17 PM

(((MrsDoubtfire)))

karmahappens posted 2/7/2014 16:18 PM

I am so sorry

mchercheur posted 2/7/2014 16:20 PM

(((MrsDoubtfire)))

Do you have any close friends or relatives who you could go to right now?
I am so sorry he is treating you this way---you don't deserve this. Remember that it is not you, there is something wrong with him. You have tried the best you can.

Sending you strength.

boontje posted 2/7/2014 16:22 PM

You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Tell HIM to leave. I am so sorry ((mrsd))

Rebreather posted 2/7/2014 16:30 PM

Oh, honey.

Just to validate you, what he did was totally unacceptable. I know you know that, but..ouch.

Take a deep breath and make a plan.

CAN you make him leave? Will he go?

Do you really have no place to go? Even a hotel for a few nights would be worthwhile to help you clear your head and give you some peace.

I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. But do stand up for yourself, and protect yourself.

LA44 posted 2/7/2014 16:36 PM

Mrs.Doubtfire, this is so sad and he was so terribly cruel. YOU have nothing to be ashamed about.

Why doesn't he leave?

Just be safe.

IamDyingInside posted 2/7/2014 16:37 PM

Mrsdoubtfire, I am so sorry! Can't he leave instead? You didn't cause this he did! Hugs to you, hon!

refuz2bavictim posted 2/7/2014 16:44 PM

((MrsDoubtfire))

dameia posted 2/7/2014 17:08 PM

(((MrsDoubtfire)))

I'm so sorry. Please take care of yourself and keep yourself safe.

somanyyears posted 2/7/2014 17:10 PM

..his aggressive outburst appears to be a red flag for something else.. could he possibly be hiding something still and is acting out of control.. wanting to blame you for his feelings??

He then starts saying he's asked me for the last 6 months to take notice of him

..do you know what he meant by this comment?

..what is his love language? ..is he looking for compliments, validation, more activity in the bedroom??

..his anger could be about not being able to ask you for specific things, but he just doesn't know how to tell you.. his frustration coming out in anger.

..it's not to be tolerated in any case. How are his 'communication' skills lately??

..sorry you are being treated like the enemy here.. you deserve way better.

..also... if anyone should leave, it should be him.. tell him to go to a hotel and "COOL OFF" for a few days.

smy

[This message edited by somanyyears at 6:53 PM, February 7th (Friday)]

deena04 posted 2/7/2014 17:11 PM

So sorry...tons of hugs to you! Please be safe. Please let us know you're safe. We care!!

Morhurt posted 2/7/2014 17:16 PM

Oh mrs. DF, you are in my thoughts. You do not deserve that behaviour. Please let us know how you are when you can.

Alex CR posted 2/7/2014 17:18 PM

No shame belongs to you...it's all his.

Please take good care of you first......and then throw HIS ASS out.....he's the one who started this mess, not you....

(((Mrs.Doubtfire)))

PippaPeach6 posted 2/7/2014 19:45 PM

WTF???? I know you have put so much into this. Dear heavens, sending mojo and hugs 😢

Jrazz posted 2/7/2014 19:59 PM

Honey you have nothing to be ashamed about. You're not an idiot for staying - never an idiot.

Can we start lining up teeny little ducks somehow? 180 180 180, and just take care of you.

(((Mrs. D)))

joeboo posted 2/7/2014 20:05 PM

Wishing you peace.

LosferWords posted 2/7/2014 20:07 PM

(((Mrs. D)))

I just read this thread, and it cut me to the bone. Wanted to offer you my support and virtual hugs.

Thinking of you this evening, and sending you strength. We're here for you.

devasted30 posted 2/7/2014 20:49 PM

(((MrsDoubtfire)))

Mhiimg65 posted 2/7/2014 21:59 PM

MrsDoubtfire,
I too., had an incident tonight. We are Trying R, but if I ask him for anything, he suddenly reminds me that there was once when we went w/o sex for 7 months. When? where was I? Hello? Maybe I initiated and where was him?

I was called a (my last name) because that's what he does. Apparently us (last name)is more fucked up than his (last name).

Sleep in the spare room if you can. I can't wait until MC, because apparently WH only listenes to MC. So here we all go backing up a step.

Stand tall, kick his ass out if need be. You have been gaslighted. So was I, but I can at least reign him in by his stupid ways. At least he sees he was a (last name) and I wasn't drunk (which is what he gaslights me to be ) Stay in your house. Tomorrow, kick his ass out. You deserve to stay..he deserves to leave. Same with My WH. I'm gutted too. DON"T LEAVE.