Topic: It's over. It has to be.
Member # 24786
| Posted: 4:11 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014|
I've just been screamed at by FWH after a minor argument. He screamed and accused me of lying and then escalated it.
I asked him to stop but he then started using that language:
"You've always, you've never!"
Then he said I'd always been a hateful bitch and I'd always been horrible. So I asked him to stop using that language as it reminded me of his A language.
He then called me a bitch and told me to get the fuck out!
I said I have nowhere to go; that I'd leave in the morning and he needed to stop escalating this.
He then starts saying he's asked me for the last 6 months to take notice of him and I'm asking what the hell he's going on about.
It escalated so I pretended I was recording it on my phone and he then starts gesturing at me " cut throat gesture" " all about the money gesture" " get out"
Then says in a very calculated and calm way (cos he thinks he's being recorded) how I've always been a bitch; how he's always been scared of me and how scared he's been since his A as I always have something to hang him with ( please not I have never brought up his A in an argument)
I've got nowhere to go but I do know that if I stay I'm an idiot aren't i?
Because I've just been gas lighted ......
So deeply ashamed after all this time.
BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now become†
Posts: 1622 | Registered: Jul 2009
Member # 16024
| Posted: 4:17 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014|
“Empathy has no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of “you’re not alone.” ~ Brene Brown
Posts: 54906 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 35846
| Posted: 4:18 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014|
I am so sorry
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
We have R'd
Posts: 4011 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 37735
| Posted: 4:20 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014|
Do you have any close friends or relatives who you could go to right now?
I am so sorry he is treating you this way---you don't deserve this. Remember that it is not you, there is something wrong with him. You have tried the best you can.
Sending you strength.
Him: WH --Had 10 mo. EA/ PA with COW; Dday 5/2011
Married 27+ years/Together 28+ years/4 kids together
OW 20 years younger than us/divorced no kids
Trying to R; don't know what the final outcome will be
Posts: 2389 | Registered: Dec 2012
Member # 33247
| Posted: 4:22 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014|
You have nothing to be ashamed of.
Tell HIM to leave. I am so sorry ((mrsd))
Dday: June 2011
Courage is not having the strength to go on; it is going on when you don't have the strength.
Posts: 1330 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 30817
| Posted: 4:30 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014|
Just to validate you, what he did was totally unacceptable. I know you know that, but..ouch.
Take a deep breath and make a plan.
CAN you make him leave? Will he go?
Do you really have no place to go? Even a hotel for a few nights would be worthwhile to help you clear your head and give you some peace.
I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. But do stand up for yourself, and protect yourself.
2 ddays in '07
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi
Posts: 7991 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 38384
| Posted: 4:36 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014|
Mrs.Doubtfire, this is so sad and he was so terribly cruel. YOU have nothing to be ashamed about.
Why doesn't he leave?
Just be safe.
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear
Posts: 3437 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Member # 41054
| Posted: 4:37 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014|
Mrsdoubtfire, I am so sorry! Can't he leave instead? You didn't cause this he did! Hugs to you, hon!
Me: BW (41)
Him: WH (41)
2 Daughters - 20 and 16
Married 19 years, together 24 years
DDay - 09/08/2013
NC - 10/10/13 Broken 10/11/13
I feel like we are both trying R but I am just so skeptical of everything!! Hell, I don't know much right
Posts: 78 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Lost in USA
Member # 27176
| Posted: 4:44 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014|
BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one
Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
Member # 36072
| Posted: 5:08 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014|
I'm so sorry. Please take care of yourself and keep yourself safe.
Trust is like paper. Once it's crumpled it can never be perfect again.
Posts: 1470 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 26970
| Posted: 5:10 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014|
..his aggressive outburst appears to be a red flag for something else.. could he possibly be hiding something still and is acting out of control.. wanting to blame you for his feelings??
He then starts saying he's asked me for the last 6 months to take notice of him
..do you know what he meant by this comment?
..what is his love language? ..is he looking for compliments, validation, more activity in the bedroom??
..his anger could be about not being able to ask you for specific things, but he just doesn't know how to tell you.. his frustration coming out in anger.
..it's not to be tolerated in any case. How are his 'communication' skills lately??
..sorry you are being treated like the enemy here.. you deserve way better.
..also... if anyone should leave, it should be him.. tell him to go to a hotel and "COOL OFF" for a few days.
[This message edited by somanyyears at 6:53 PM, February 7th (Friday)]
trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Married 44 yrs (together 49)
18 yr LTA with bff/lawyer.
. died from a brain tumor@57
Posts: 4863 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Ontario Canada
Member # 41741
| Posted: 5:11 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014|
So sorry...tons of hugs to you! Please be safe. Please let us know you're safe. We care!!
Me FBS around 40
Him FWS early 40s (lovemywife4ever)
He cheated before M, forgot to tell me
"Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty we are free at last" - MLK Jr
Posts: 2077 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 40166
| Posted: 5:16 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014|
Oh mrs. DF, you are in my thoughts. You do not deserve that behaviour. Please let us know how you are when you can.
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.
Posts: 1127 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 27968
| Posted: 5:18 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014|
No shame belongs to you...it's all his.
Please take good care of you first......and then throw HIS ASS out.....he's the one who started this mess, not you....
BS Me 63
WS Him 64
I can dwell in the negative or seek the positive...one road is lonely...the other teeming with life.
Posts: 1860 | Registered: Mar 2010
Member # 37523
| Posted: 7:45 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014|
WTF???? I know you have put so much into this. Dear heavens, sending mojo and hugs 😢
Us: 50ish, madhatters, married 20 odd yrs
TT: May 2009 'til June
DDay for both: June 17, 2009
Me: 2x, same person, 1991
Him: 1.5 year PA (EA?) 2007-2009
Honey Badger don't care. - Randall
Posts: 386 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Flyover chic
Member # 31349
| Posted: 7:59 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014|
Honey you have nothing to be ashamed about. You're not an idiot for staying - never an idiot.
Can we start lining up teeny little ducks somehow? 180 180 180, and just take care of you.
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
Posts: 29076 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Member # 31089
| Posted: 8:05 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014|
Wishing you peace.
Posts: 1269 | Registered: Feb 2011
Member # 30369
| Posted: 8:07 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014|
I just read this thread, and it cut me to the bone. Wanted to offer you my support and virtual hugs.
Thinking of you this evening, and sending you strength. We're here for you.
Posts: 29572 | Registered: Dec 2010
Member # 39439
| Posted: 8:49 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014|
And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!
Posts: 1858 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
Member # 41951
| Posted: 9:59 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014|
I too., had an incident tonight. We are Trying R, but if I ask him for anything, he suddenly reminds me that there was once when we went w/o sex for 7 months. When? where was I? Hello? Maybe I initiated and where was him?
I was called a (my last name) because that's what he does. Apparently us (last name)is more fucked up than his (last name).
Sleep in the spare room if you can. I can't wait until MC, because apparently WH only listenes to MC. So here we all go backing up a step.
Stand tall, kick his ass out if need be. You have been gaslighted. So was I, but I can at least reign him in by his stupid ways. At least he sees he was a (last name) and I wasn't drunk (which is what he gaslights me to be ) Stay in your house. Tomorrow, kick his ass out. You deserve to stay..he deserves to leave. Same with My WH. I'm gutted too. DON"T LEAVE.
" He paved paradise and put up a parking lot"
BS - me
married 26 years, together since kids
D- Day Jan 4 2014
PMA- starting this moment
R - in MC. WH is in IC
Posts: 149 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
|Topic Posts: 39|