Found out on Saturday. Babysitter, family friend, 24 years old to his 44. Physical part ended over a year ago, sexting has continued ever since.
Took a few days to get him to move out. (He was begging to stay.) Two nights without him, so far. First night was HORRIBLE. Physically painful. Last night was much better. Slept off and on. Actually felt hungry and ate a little dinner. So that's great. And he is very miserable in his new temporary digs, so that is GREAT.
But the kids... Right now we are telling them that Daddy has to work a lot for a while and is staying at work. This makes sense because of his job, won't go into those details. He is spending the evening with them tonight and tomorrow night (because I am going out drinking with my cousins ). We are all supposed to spend the day together on Sunday, our usual family day, although I'm rethinking that plan.
Anyhoo, back to the children. The first morning without him, my daughter - 5 - woke up crying. She was worried about Daddy not having any food or water. (?) She was worried there would be a kitchen fire where he works. (?) She is acting extra clingy, not wanting to go to school, etc. Keeps asking where he is and when she is going to see him, even though she knows the answer to both. Obviously needs a lot of reassurance and seemed to feel better after talking to him on the phone last night.
My son - 7 - has not expressed anything specifically about his Dad, but he is super emotional about everything. Yelling at his sister, over-reacting to everything - seriously, screaming at his legos, super frustrated about tying his shoes, etc. Obviously very distressed, but I don't think he even knows why.
I can't believe the immediate impact. I didn't think they would pick up on this so soon. How are they going to manage when we actually tell them we are separating? What and when should we tell them?
I don't know if this will be permanent and I don't want to stress them even more if he'll be back in a month. He wants to come back. And now, seeing the children, I think if he does EVERYTHING RIGHT from here on out, I have to give him a second chance.
I'm thinking that we need to sit them down and tell them that we are trying a new living arrangement to see how it goes for us. Does that seem like the right thing to do? But I kind of hinted about it a few days ago (bringing up a friend whose parents divorced) and they both started freaking out, "NO! We want to all be together!" so I changed the subject. I can't believe how quick they are to understand all this. They believe in Santa and the Tooth Fairy and Elf on the Shelf and the Easter Bunny, but don't buy Daddy working a lot?
Just typing that makes me realize I need to be more honest with the kids about this, and soon. I know how it feels to be lied to and I don't want to damage the trust they have in me, especially now.
Dang. What to say? This is horrible. Just one more thing I would like to thank my WH and heartless OW for. Man, I really hope there is such a thing as Karma. I can't believe I allowed someone to mess with my children's hearts like this.
[This message edited by kellys2014 at 4:40 PM, February 7th (Friday)]
His AP: 24, former family friend and babysitter
Married 11 1/2 yrs
D-Day: 2/1/2014 3 month PA, 24 months sexting