[This message edited by demonshide at 10:07 AM, February 17th (Monday)]
It's just so unfair when the AP has been in the marital home. It makes me physically sick. How selfish can you be? I'll never understand the thinking of someone in an A.
"What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
I'm sorry you are triggering. I know this isn't a 100% fix, but have you considered getting an area rug or new carpet, new couch, couch cover, etc...? Rearranging the room, maybe. Sometimes this can help. It can give a little peace of mind that what she saw in your home, no longer is there. You have new items, new memories, etc..
[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:08 PM, February 7th (Friday)]
What did I do? Got rid of all of my bedroom furniture, linens, pillows....everything. Got rid of my vehicle and purchased a brand new one. When I learned that MOW went with my WH to select a new vehicle I immediately made him buy a brand new car as well.
I had zero interest in "trying" to reclaim what was mine, what was taken from me. I knew that nothing I did would change the fact that MOW's presence destroyed my home/car. Knowing that I could never live in that house again, I told my WH to find a new job in a new state. 6 months post Dday we moved 1600 miles away. I promise you, that eliminated many triggers.
It's absolutely horrible ~ I know. (((demonshikde)))
[This message edited by RidingHealingRd at 8:58 PM, February 7th (Friday)]
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
I didn't step foot into our living room for months. I would lay on the floor outside the door and watch DS3 play.
I started going in for short periods of time to play with the kids. At one point it just stopped bothering me. I didn't push it it just kinda happened. Every once in a while it will still trigger a mind movie but its rare.
(((Hugs))). It will get easier.
It helps very little. I think a new house and bedroom set would help a little more, bu it's not reasonable to do right now.
Nothing's going to erase the sense of violation completely, but it helps to take some kind of action.
I'm sorry for your pain, I know what you're going through.
We use the bedroom for storage and burnt bed sheets couch anything she touched. I broke glasses she used.
Are you sure they didnt use the bed. OW in our case pushed for that cuz she knew it would hurt me and she wanted him to D. Women know what this does to a wife.
It is such a violation when they let this negative energy into our home. And it makes R harder.
Honestly I wished I had caught her here and escorted her out the door with "babe". OW in my bed on my H is trespassing of the worst variety.
[This message edited by whattheh at 9:48 PM, February 7th (Friday)]
OW was my friend and had been all over my house. I am doing my best to not let it bother me, but some days it's hard to pretend.
for the first time I could really see that he was genuinely sorry for the pain he had caused, no excuses, no justifying, real remorse. I could see the pain he was in himself. Not that I want to see him hurting, not that I want that revenge, but the fact of the matter is that feeling bad about something is the way we know we did something wrong. All I want is for him to really understand what he did, what it meant to me, what it is still doing to me. When I know he understands the mess he made and then sees how much work it is to fix it, then maybe I can start to trust that he won't do it again. I hope so anyway.
...I think seeing them like this is essential to healing. At least it was for me. My fWH texted me the next morning, after a particularly grueling conversation, that he was "finally starting to understand the gravity" of what he "had done to me." It was at that point that I felt ready to R, and stopped looking for justice/retribution (which will never be found anyway!).
OK, back to living room/kids bedding: Don't the kids want new re-done bedrooms for their birthdays this year??
And wouldn't re-doing the living room be a lovely Valentine's/anniversary idea?
All bedding has been replaced but I can't afford to replace furniture as some of it is still being paid off....
She doesn't seem to get that I can't go anywhere in what was supposed to be 'our' space without wondering what happened, when, and WHY?!?!? Not to mention the literally dozens of photos of us she paraded them in front of.
I never thought I could experience such pain.
[This message edited by totalheartbreak at 11:04 PM, February 8th (Saturday)]
The smart man divorces a lawyer.
The smarter man never marries one in the first place.
To her we were never worth the effort. :-/
I'd totally get rid of the pillows and such. Get an area rug and rearrange and repaint. Make him help. Make it a family project.
Is it a waste of money? Not if it helps ease your mind, no.
My husband gave his LTA car rides, but no sex in his car. Had he, the car would be gone. I burned his work pants and boxers because he fucked the AP's with them around his ankles and I washed them. Fuck that, get new pants dude.
Tho the AP's were never in our home, I changed our bedroom completely, just to rid bad memories. It did help, immensely.
Former 80s Icon wishful thinking
Whenever I trigger- I simply pass it to WH. There is no reason at all why I should be sitting alone in my home upset about something he did. He can share in the misery so to speak- he can participate in making the home or environment more bare-able for me. He can work for it. When I trigger, I let WH know, and I give him something to do that will immediately make me feel better immediately.
As far as your kid's rooms- why get replicas? Take the opportunity to let them redesign their bedrooms! Do they want some new paint? Great- WH gets to do some painting to match their new sheets that they get to pick out. Until then- sounds like WH needs to do some laundry if any triggering blankets/sheets get dirty.
"What did you expect? I am a scorpion."
And here's an anecdote for you. On the subject of violations, I avoided my cat for two months because he was in the house while WW and OM were here. Poor cat. Looking back, it felt pretty stupid of me to avoid him because I love the little guy. We're buddies again.
[This message edited by demonshide at 10:08 AM, February 17th (Monday)]
I think I'd insist on a total make-over for your living room. New carpets, paint, furniture etc etc whatever you can do. If he complains you can tell your H it's cheaper than a divorce!
Do what you need to do to get through each day now, burn or don't burn, throw or keep, just do what you need to do.