Reaching a state that allows yourself to become vulnerable.
I initially chose to reconcile with my wife because of our children. I didnít want my children growing up in a broken home, being embarrassed, going through visitation squabbles, experiencing financial strain, and potentially growing up with a POS father figure. My kids were all I needed to choose reconciliation with my wife.
However, my visions of reconciliation were wrong. I pictured parents coming home from work every day, everyone eating meals together, discussing daily events, attending school and sporting events, performing home maintenance and chores, and taking family vacations. I pictured reasonably good sex with my wife, a mutual respect for each other, and working towards the same goals, and of courseÖ no cheating. Guess what? This was how our marriage existed for 17 years. It sucked.
http://www.eckharttolle.com/newsletter/april-2011 A statement in this article best describes our 17 years of marriage. "Itís a dreadful prison to inhabit when you live with a person and all you have are thoughts and emotions."
My wife and I did not express our deepest feelings with each other. We did not allow ourselves to become vulnerable. It prohibited us from taking it to the next level.