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It has been 9 weeks since d-day. Yesterday I got the text message list from the cell phone company. There was no surprises as he told me what was on there and it was what he said but just seeing all the messaging between them really hurt. I got mad and yelled at him again and he apologized again. Its the same cycle of me having a trigger, getting mad, sad or crying and he comforts me and apologizes.
The triggers are just everywhere so I am constantly up and down emotionally. It is just so exhausting!

I'm just starting to recognize the triggers too. I agree, it is exhausting. I don't have any answers for you, but wanted to let you know you are not the only one feeling this way.

I can tell you that the one that gets me the most is seeing or hearing about anyone cheating or having an affair. It seems to me that every TV show or movie has the subject in it these days. I used to enjoy just sitting with my teenage DD and watching her shows with (even though I hated them, it was usually just the 2 of us and I treasure the one on one time). I see it in her shows and it just drives a stake through my heart. I hide it as best I could and then go have a cry when I am alone. If I watch TV at all these days it is only sports or history/discovery etc...
PS: I think I am an authority on ancient aliens and can survive anywhere if need be! LOL

It is all so very exhausting. The exhaustion eventually turns into a big hard callous. You'll learn that you are tougher than hell and can take on anything. You are forced into this and it makes you stronger no matter if you want it to or not. I wish you a speedy recovery. You'll learn more about yourself than you ever wanted to know good and bad.

This part of the rollercoaster, almost constant triggering, is very normal. It really is you are not going crazy. This is like those long hauls upwards as you build to it, crest, and fall off of the other side. A bit of a lull, and then you start over.

Honestly. It does get better. You'll learn what is likely to trigger you and start building calluses and/or learn how to deflect, bit by bit. That will smooth out the ride. You'll still get caught by unexpected things, but the sharp up and downs will flatten out.

And your comment about finding nothing new but seeing it in B&W is exactly why I, for one, say that a BS needs a timeline to really start healing. You may "know" it date-wise, but the impact of visually seeing the actual proof, the actual dates, frequency, etc., while it can take you to your knees, can also lance that wound and allow it to sink in, be acknowledged, and start to build healthy tissue over the wound. (((hugs)))

i almost popped a gasket watching bridget jones. id forgotten about her parents. i flipped out.

At 9 weeks things are really raw and triggers abound. It is good that he is showing remorse and transparency.Most of all it is good that he is supporting you through these hard times.

I wish you luck with R and know that it really does get easier with time.