My WW lied, cheated, and left me. After a few weeks of limbo where she herself brought up trying to reconcile, I felt I needed to push her off the fence. I guess I did, since she informed me last Thursday that we will be going our separate ways.
I'm still shell-shocked. I remember a relationship that was stronger than what I thought any bound could possibly be. We were the couple that other couples looked up to. We were the rock amongst our family and friends. Then we were hit with tragedies. A buried stillborn son, and the news she would most likely not be able to have children again. It was devastating to both of us, but when we came out the other side looking forward to our future, I thought we were stronger than ever.
I was wrong.
There were signs that I maybe should have questioned, but like many others here, I was so completely and 100% trusting of her. I knew if something were bothering her, we could talk about it and work it out. We always had before. We truly were best friends, not just lovers. We did everything together. We knew each other inside and out. Well, again, I thought we did.
I can't pinpoint when the change happened. It was so slight and gradual that I only now recognize that the woman I fell in love with and who loved me just as dearly is gone, and has been for some time. She looks the same, talks the same, but its not her. She is different. That woman I loved never would have cheated and lied. That woman wouldn't be as selfish as the one who walked out of our home and out of my life. It's all about her needs and her wants. I do believe there is a part of her that does truly care for me, but it's not enough. My wife is gone.
I know this is for the best long run, but it doesn't hurt any less. I still pine for her. I still hope the woman she was will wake up and realize she lost the best thing to ever happen to her. I miss her like you couldn't believe, or maybe you could. I read posts here from people saying its 3 months, 6 months, a year or longer before they start feeling like themselves again. I can't imagine carrying this deep wound for that long. This is a pain I could never imagine.
So today, I'll try to pry myself out of my recliner and get some errands ran. I'll maybe eat something, maybe not. I'll try to sleep, but I will wake up time and time again to escape my dreams which are all of her and happier times. I'll go to work next week and try my best to be productive - I have good job with a lot of responsibility, and the last thing I want to do is screw that up. It's just so hard still to process that at 35, I'm single, childless, and more alone than I've ever been. She's gone. Thats my reality.