Unless your wife goes NC with OP, you will never be able to move forward from her affair.
she just doesn't know how to love me the way I deserve to be loved
^^The OM is in the picture, she's still got her head up her ass, and it will be impossible for her to focus on the marriage and you when she is still obviously not willing to give up OM.
Gentle 2 x 4, your wife has been making decisions for your life for how long? Kasp, it's time for you to grab the steering wheel and take back control of your life and your future.
Have you read the threads in this forum for newbies? Scroll down a page or two, and in particular find the one called Before You Say Reconcile. Also Tactical Primer...just for starters. Also visit the Betrayed Men thread in the I Can Relate forum...SI vets who have BTDT and who will give you sage advice on how to move forward.