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wyowoman (original poster new member #42407) posted at 10:15 PM on Saturday, February 8th, 2014
I am in such a tough situation all around. I found out in fall of 2012. I found out everything. The affair, the other girls pregnancy. We talked and I decided to stay. We have two kids in our marriage. That is partly why I wanted to work it out. It didnt seem fair to me to give it all up and give up my kid's family for this mistake. We initially decided to let things ride out and him not persue the relationship with the other baby. The other girl finally found me on facebook and started messaging me trying to get ahold of my husband. I didn't reply. A few weeks ago she sent pictures of the baby to my facebook. I have privacy turned on but the messages went to my other folder. When I blocked her she got on a relatives account and tried messaging me. Today in the mail we received a packet for child support. He doesnt know yet because he works for the railroad and has to have his phone turned off. No one in my family knows or there would be all kinds of drama. I have initially decided to stay but longer it goes the madder im getting about it all. My kids have a half sister they may never know or may find out about later. If they do the rest of my family may learn of it. I dont think I could handle him being involved in the baby's life. On the other hand she is absolutely innocent. Im back to wondering if I should stay or go. We are looking at 18 years of child support. Do I want that? If I leave my husband is looking at 3 child support children (I know that it's his fault to begin with but its still a big burden) and my kids will grow up in yet another divorced family. We were reconciled but this keeps snowballing.
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 10:23 PM on Saturday, February 8th, 2014
(((wyowoman)))
Welcome to SI. I'm sorry for what your are going through. There is a thread in the ICR forum that you may find helpful. It is for those dealing with an OC.
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=431778&AP=781
Sending you strength.
bionicgal ( member #39803) posted at 10:32 PM on Saturday, February 8th, 2014
wyo,
I would contact a lawyer, and you'll need a paternity test, etc. to determine if he is the father.
That being said, I don't think your marriage has much to do with this child. He may need to provide support, but that money will be taken away from your children whether you are married or divorced. It will probably take less away from them if you stay married.
Having unprotected sex is so common in affairs - it is shocking, so don't feel like you are alone in this. You are right, this little girl is an innocent, so she needs to be provided for regardless of the situation she was born into. SO sorry about what you are going through, but it is just by the sheer luck, and possibly aging sperm and eggs in our case, that I (and many of us) are not in your shoes.
Good luck.
[This message edited by bionicgal at 4:33 PM, February 8th (Saturday)]
me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.
mchercheur ( member #37735) posted at 11:48 PM on Saturday, February 8th, 2014
(((wyowoman)))
I am so sorry this is happening to you. I could so easily have been in your shoes.
Cheaters are liers. Please insist on paternity testing---who knows how many men OW was with.
You will get a lot of help, comfort, support , & wisdom from this site---keep posting & reading.
Sending you strength.
Me: BW; Him: WH --Had 10 mo. EA/ PA with COW; Dday 5/2011 Married 35 years/Together 36 years/4 kids together, and 1 grandbaby; OW 20 years younger than us/divorced no kids Trying to R; don't know what the final outcome will be
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