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Plan B - No Contact

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LostnHurt posted 2/9/2014 14:08 PM

Has anyone had any success with using plan B (no contact) in winning back their wayward spouse? We've been separated 3 weeks and I've heard from him once. He must be too busy with his new life with the OP. I think the point of plan B is for the WS to fully experience what a D feels like. So by not hearing anything from him, I guess I'm getting my answer.

Appreciate any thoughts/opinions. Thanks.

peoplepleaser posted 2/9/2014 14:59 PM

I'm so sorry, I know this is painful for you. I'm going to gently reply.

Yes, you are getting your answer for right now. The point of no contact, or any part of the 180 (read FAQS for BS for more information and the threads explaining it) is to focus on you and empower you to make decisions that are best for you. How the WS responds gives you that information. From what I've read, sometimes the WS realizes what they lost and makes attempts to regain it. This can occur in days, weeks, months or even years. You shouldn't put your life on hold waiting for someone who treated you horribly and shows no attempt to wake up to it. Other times, it simply highlights our worst fears that the relationship is over and our WS was not who they wanted us to believe they were. In either case, I encourage you to find your inner strength and wisdom and do what you need for you. I am working on doing the same.

My heart goes out to you.

RealityStinks posted 2/9/2014 15:41 PM

I've tried it. It showed me what I needed to know.

I asked my WW to leave when I the Inn she was at (GPS records) for hours one afternoon/evening confirmed the OM was registered there that day. I told her that she was making a mockery of our M and that she was not welcome in our home as long as the OM was a part of her life. Over two months later, I had heard from her 4-5 times and met with her 3 times. The third time was initiated by me to say that I loved her, please repent, and come home. I did not back down, and I made it clear that time was up. I told her that I would get the D process started soon if she didn't do what I previously stated. That was Sunday afternoon, and I caught them together at the house she was staying at on Monday night. Despite everything she was telling me, the A never ended and they were way more than "just friends".

So, if after three weeks your WH is not talking with you, it's time to file for D. People told me that, and I didn't want to believe them. But, if that isn't the grenade that finally wakes him up, then at least you'll be further down the path toward your healing. I wish that I would have gone ahead and filed two months ago when I met with my attorney the first time. I would almost be D by now, but instead I'm sitting here still married to a woman that does not want to be married to me. I hope you don't find yourself in the same situation because you waited around for someone that was not coming back.

TryingToReboot posted 2/9/2014 15:54 PM

Hello Lost;

I'm pretty certian that the 180 and NC works regrading the WS eventually wanting to come back. However, if that is what you're expecting I'm afraid it will never happen. What does happen with NC is the you heal, both your heart and your mind! You grow stronger, more confident and self-assured. As well you become less needy. The best thing you can do is focus on healing, getting yourself back, better than ever before. You learn to Detach!!! And to live your own life. You've got to believe that your WS has moved on, they've murdered the marriage and place the blame solely on you. From their perspective, they never plan to return. It's not until their plan, e.g. "dream" life with the AP, begins to falter and reality sets in, do they start to consider plan B (that's you). Your goal is to be completely healed and 100% if and when that happens so you're in a positive postion an able to make an intelligent decision on what you want.

Stop waiting for the WS and start living again. This is your only path to freedom.

Want2help posted 2/9/2014 18:51 PM

Yes, we were NC for two months. He moved in with OW (into a camper tailer parked in someone's driveway) and I lived in our 4 bedroom house alone.

It took 2 months of living in close quarters with OW before the fog began to lift and he saw what life with her (and without me) would truly be like. He left OW on his own accord to ask for a chance to "work things out".

He never broke NC with OW. I think the chance to be with her exclusively is what really brought him out of the fog.

forwardfromhere posted 2/9/2014 20:49 PM

Oh man I've been doing this all wrong. Locks chanong and the AP will be the only one WS gets to be in contact with. Thank you for the honesty and bravery you've shared.

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