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Why am I still trying to get his attention?

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simplydevastated posted 2/10/2014 10:05 AM

We don't talk to each other besides the usual "DS10 needs this" or "DD7 needs that" or "we're out of milk." We was out all day yesterday with a "friend." He didn't tell me, he told our son and I over heard. He didn't say who he was with, where he was going or what time he was going to be home...nothing.

He doesn't look at me when we do talk to each other, so why, after all this time and everything that has happened, and the crap that he says about me behind my back, do I still try to get his attention?

I feel so stupid.

JanaGreen posted 2/10/2014 10:06 AM

My guess is habit.

I'm really sorry. I'm guessing this is a fake it 'til you make it situation. Keep pretending like you don't care, and eventually you won't.

((HUGS))

simplydevastated posted 2/10/2014 10:09 AM

I'm guessing this is a fake it 'til you make it situation

That's exactly what it is.

StillLivin posted 2/10/2014 13:00 PM

I saw this before here on SI. Can't remember the context exactly at this moment. I just remember the answer.
It is because some deep, or not so deep, part of you still is hoping that he will finally "get it" and realize your worth and want to come back to the M.
That part of you that still loves him is so hard to put in a box and shelf. Because your love and feelings were genuine, it is harder to do what they have done to us, compartmentalize and betray.
After 180, and/or NC, it will get easier to stop when he gives you no sign of true R.
(((simplydevastated)))

dameia posted 2/10/2014 13:15 PM

(((sd)))

I don't have any words of wisdom for you. I just wanted to drop by and give you a hug. Your post makes me sad, you're such a kind person and you deserve kindness in your life.

simplydevastated posted 2/11/2014 07:53 AM

It is because some deep, or not so deep, part of you still is hoping that he will finally "get it" and realize your worth and want to come back to the M.
That part of you that still loves him is so hard to put in a box and shelf. Because your love and feelings were genuine, it is harder to do what they have done to us, compartmentalize and betray.

This makes a lot of sense. Thank you.

I used to hold out and hope that he would work on the marriage and us, but as the years went on and the way he has changed and treats us that hope goes away. I guess at some point the hope comes back even for a brief moment.

Thank you dameia. I needed to hear that.

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