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Jesss posted 2/10/2014 14:43 PM

I caught my WH watching porn again. After he swore he stopped all of that after DDay. This is what he said:
"Who wouldn't watch porn with a disgusting fat wife like you? Look at you?!" Looks at me with the most disgusted look on his face.
He's so cruel. I was doing good today, feeling a little better with doing the 180 and making up my mind about divorcing after catching him. Then he says things like that and it hurts sooooo much. He has always said things like this. I used to to think it was out of anger and he didn't mean it. Now I know he does mean it. And it hurts sooo much.

norabird posted 2/10/2014 14:54 PM

((((Jesss)))) Look at it this way--he is making 180 and D very easy for you. Once you follow through on these, he won't be able to hurt you anymore.

peoplepleaser posted 2/10/2014 14:55 PM

I'm so sorry. Nobody deserves to be treated that way or talked to that way. He's being abusive. Find your strength again in the 180 and know that he's lashing out because he got caught. Whether he believes it or not, you don't deserve it and he has no right to say it. Focus on you. You have all the information you need to make the best decision right now. Hugs.

[This message edited by peoplepleaser at 2:58 PM, February 10th (Monday)]

nutmegkitty posted 2/10/2014 14:57 PM

What a royal ASS! That is totally uncalled for!!!!!


Toodevoted posted 2/10/2014 14:59 PM

How evil and cruel!!

I hope you now that nothing he says/does is anything to do with you, itís because of the nasty broken person that he. I know you started the 180, I suspect he canít bear to see you Ďhappyí and is attacking you to try and hurt you because right now itís the only control he has. Donít let him have that control, donít let him upset you. Living your life to the fullest is the best revenge you can have on this horrible person with a black soul. (((Jesss)))

simplydevastated posted 2/10/2014 15:15 PM

What. The. Fuck.

With a comment like that, he's the ugly one. On the inside and out.

I'm so sorry he said that to you.


griefandrelief posted 2/10/2014 15:21 PM

What a terrible thing. I lived through that sort of soul-crushing comments for a long time. I even was content to live a sexless marriage (because his libido had "gone dormant" - or so he said - while he was dinking the OW every day when he was supposed to be at work) because I thought my weight was my fault.

Now that WH is gone from the house, I have found myself again. I ate (and got overweight) because I craved his attention, and he chose not to give it to me in his selfish way. Now that he is not there when I get home, I don't eat like I used to. Of course, there is the good old "divorce diet" as well, where you don't feel like eating at all - and I have lost over 22 pounds since he came to my office to leave me and my girls on 1/24/14. Being unhappy saps your strength and resolve to do anything, and being "hungry" for attention and affection adds to it as we reach for comfort wherever we can find it.

No matter you weight, no matter anything, the vow was for better or worse and he broke it. If he is this cruel, why would you want to stay? If your daughter or other woman told you that they had endured this, wouldn't you tell them to get the hell out ASAP? You are worth that advice as well, Jesss.

Be good to yourself and lose 200 pounds when you lose him! :)

lostinthesouth posted 2/10/2014 15:21 PM

what a jack ass. So sorry for you Jesss. Don't believe a word he says.

Ostrich80 posted 2/10/2014 16:15 PM

Jess, he's an insensitive jack ass. Eff him!! Don't take his words personally but do realize you don't deserve this treatment. My ws said something similar to me one time and I have never forgotten it. You deserve better. He's trying to hurt you.

scarednbroken posted 2/10/2014 16:17 PM


I know what it is like to have cruel words thrown at you. He is an A$$ and doesn't deserve to see your hurt. Be strong and take care of you.

steadfast1973 posted 2/10/2014 16:18 PM

When was DDAY? What a porn brained d-bag. While my WH was balls deep in porn town he also said stuff like that. Not quite as blunt... Little off handed shit, about my age, mostly.

[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 4:46 PM, February 10th (Monday)]

Jesss posted 2/10/2014 16:48 PM

Thank you, all of you thanks for your kind words. It really does help to see you all say he's a jerk for saying those kinds of things to me. I've lived with it for so long, I guess I just got used to it, and before I'd tell myself he doesn't mean it. After seeing he's probably been with other women, his words hurt so much more. All this time, I knew he was verbally and emotionally abusive but I thought he still loved me. Now I know he probably never did, and truly does mean the things he says.

Dday was first in July 2013, then in Sept. 2013, I found out he's been on online dating sites for atleast three years, watching porn daily, and i found naked photos in secret email accounts.
He begged me to give him one more chance, stupidly I did, with no real changes from him. Then last week I caught him watching porn again.

marionwendy posted 2/10/2014 16:54 PM

Omg! Don't do anything for this guy! EVER! He is cruel, mean, and a total ass! Ask him if he's looked in the mirror lately? Tell him he's no prize ( maybe consolation prize!) tell him you'd donate his sorry ass to charity but they wouldn't take him! IMO I would pack his stuff in hefty bags and tell him to hit the road! Don't take that talk from anyone ever!

steadfast1973 posted 2/10/2014 16:55 PM

I think it's time for some hefty bags...

outtanowhere posted 2/10/2014 16:58 PM

Tell him you have had enough of his disrespect. Draw your line in the sand and don't budge. Show him you mean it! He is being abusive and he knows that it hurts you and, he wants you to think you cant do better than his sorry ass. Jesss, there are men out there that would love you no matter what your weight and dress size are! Really!

Jesss posted 2/10/2014 17:12 PM

How do I show him I've had enough of his disrespect?
What can I do? He refuses to leave "his house". Which by the way my parents paid for, but left in his name, because we trusted him.

BrooklynLove posted 2/10/2014 17:12 PM


Mine told me he cheated because I got fat. WS's can be very cruel. My self esteem is at an all time low and I still love the bastard. I have been doing a low carb diet and doing Taebo Abs. I am doing the 180 but I crave physical intimacy and he won't even touch me. Last time I tried to have sex with him after New Year's, he couldn't get an erection and told me to leave me alone . I need to stop torturing myself but I still can't get to the point of divorcing.

steadfast1973 posted 2/10/2014 17:15 PM

Fuck. Excuse my language, but I am so angry for you! He watches porn because he's too much of a coward to deal with a real relationship. Because he's too selfish to actually care about anything but running from intimacy. This has nothing to do with your weight.

Chippednotbroken posted 2/10/2014 18:13 PM

Yeah mine called me disgusting a week after I had his 3rd baby. I won't ever forget that. But I'm divorcing him. Fuck reconciling with that the world can have him.

simplydevastated posted 2/11/2014 10:53 AM

What can I do? He refuses to leave "his house". Which by the way my parents paid for, but left in his name, because we trusted him.

You can see a lawyer. They have free consultations and it never hurts to ask questions. There's power in knowledge. You don't deserve to be treated like this and he sure as hell doesn't deserve to have a wonderful person like you in his life.

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