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HFSSC (original poster member #33338) posted at 2:41 AM on Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
You know all those times when your kid does something like announcing to the whole shower room that you have "hair on your pee pee" or peeing outside in full view of the whole world?
Well, there is all sorts of fun to be had when they become teenagers. <evil laughter>
Tonight, I started out by telling my guys the difference between "vagina" and "vulva". I told them that was useful information that may be important to them some day. (It's one of my pet peeves, especially at work, when health care professionals don't know the difference) DS15 started banging his head on the window of the van.
I said, "Aren't y'all glad I'm a nurse and can teach you important stuff like this?"
He muttered, "Yeah. We'll go with that." And pulled his hoodie up over his head. 
Then I started telling inappropriate jokes. "What does an 80 year old woman have between her breasts that a 20 year old doesn't? Her belly button!"
Strangely, I haven't seen either one of them since we got home.
Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.
unfound ( member #12802) posted at 2:57 AM on Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
DS15 started banging his head on the window of the van.
ka-mai
*************
Kids on the playground can be so cruel. “Get off the swings you’re like 50, and stop talking about Soundgarden, we don't even know what that is."
jrc1963 ( member #26531) posted at 2:59 AM on Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
Me: BSO - 56 Him: FWSO - 79 DS - 23 D-Day - 12-11-09, R - he finally came homeYour life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"
Threnody ( member #1558) posted at 3:08 AM on Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown
BAB61 ( member #41181) posted at 6:11 AM on Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
My oldest turned 17 today (well, I guess technically yesterday ... I just am up late) and her 14yo sister arranged a surprise sleepover with 2 of her friends. They were in the living room and I could hear them talking. They are all inexperienced aka virgins .. and yet, ... wait for it ... they were talking about blow jobs!!! It was all I could do not to go in and give them pointers! I am a child of the 60's .. and came of age during the time of 'free love' .... buahahaha
Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.
Harriet ( member #34543) posted at 6:52 AM on Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
What is the difference, HFSSC? I'll google it...I use sex ed as a way to get my kids to behave and I've told them everything I know so I need new material.
"No, you don't have to take out the garbage. We'll just chat about oral sex now." 
D-Day Spring 2008
3 years false R
Divorce Final 6/7/12
authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 12:00 PM on Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
I love messing with my kids. They aren't teenagers, they're early 20s, but it's still just so much fun!
DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.
HFSSC (original poster member #33338) posted at 1:09 PM on Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
AN, my mom still does it to me, so I gotta get mine somewhere.
FYI, if anyone doesn't know this, the vagina is the internal passageway that connects the uterus to the outside, so to speak. The vulva is the external genitalia (ie, what you can see). So when I come to work and see a note that someone's "vagina is swollen" I decide that nurse is ignorant or else very industrious to hunt down a speculum and look inside.
Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.
authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 1:31 PM on Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
Our headboard has slats and one of them got detached at the bottom through the years. When we were moving, DD noticed and said, "Mom, look, your bed is broken!" and I looked at LD and said, "That was some night, wasn't it?" with a smirk. He replied, "Yeah, baby!" DD yelled, "Ewwwww, mommmmmm, you guys are gross!!!!!!!!"
DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.
ISPIFFD ( member #26367) posted at 2:51 PM on Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
Strangely, I haven't seen either one of them since we got home
I'm done here; sick of 2 x 4s
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 3:28 PM on Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
"Ewwwww, mommmmmm, you guys are gross!!!!!!!!"
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
simplydevastated ( member #25001) posted at 5:10 PM on Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
Me - BS, 40 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS11, DD8
Getting my ducks in a row for divorce... finally (4+ D-Days too many - listed in profile.)
SoVerySadNow ( member #36711) posted at 5:12 PM on Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.
MissesJai ( member #24849) posted at 5:26 PM on Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
44
Happily divorcing..
My Life is Mine!!!!
#BlackLivesMatter
Don't settle for no fuck shit....
Williesmom ( member #22870) posted at 5:32 PM on Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
It works with brothers also. My mom and brother are nurses. He was at mom's house when I called with a medical question. He said "what is it? I can help you."
So, I started graphically describing my "girl problem". He could not get the phone to mom fast enough.
I actually had a cold, but couldn't resist messing with him.
You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright
simplydevastated ( member #25001) posted at 5:34 PM on Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
So, I started graphically describing my "girl problem". He could not get the phone to mom fast enough.
Me - BS, 40 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS11, DD8
Getting my ducks in a row for divorce... finally (4+ D-Days too many - listed in profile.)
Aubrie ( member #33886) posted at 5:51 PM on Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
Few years ago my brother needed a condom for a school project. My prude mother asked me to buy them. She was too embarrassed, and she refused to let my brother go buy them. 
I waltzed my unashamed self up to the front desk at the Health Department and asked for one of those brown paper bags. Went marching back to Mother's house and yelled thru the house, "Oh Brotherrrrrrr, I have something for youuuuuuuu." He trudged into the kitchen, head down, avoiding eye contact, grabbed the bag out of my hand, and kept walking.
Couple hours later I got a text, "Why did you get a whole bag!? I only needed one! What am I supposed to do with the rest?"
Do you really need me to tell you?
I didn't hear another word from him.
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne
Tred ( member #34086) posted at 6:16 PM on Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
What am I supposed to do with the rest?
Two words: Balloon animals.
Married: 27 years (14 @JFO) D-Day: 11/09/11"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)
itainteasy ( member #31094) posted at 6:16 PM on Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
My mom and stepdad like to talk about sex in front of me.
It embarassed me at 16.
And now at 37, I ask my mother if she'd like "pointers".
It shuts them up.
lordhasaplan? ( member #30079) posted at 6:21 PM on Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
Two words: Balloon animals.
Tred, the only one I can pull off is a Snake.
Wish I could pull this one off, not the condom of course....
BS- Me (45)D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10). Currently in R.Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
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