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HFSSC posted 2/10/2014 20:41 PM

You know all those times when your kid does something like announcing to the whole shower room that you have "hair on your pee pee" or peeing outside in full view of the whole world?

Well, there is all sorts of fun to be had when they become teenagers. <evil laughter>

Tonight, I started out by telling my guys the difference between "vagina" and "vulva". I told them that was useful information that may be important to them some day. (It's one of my pet peeves, especially at work, when health care professionals don't know the difference) DS15 started banging his head on the window of the van.

I said, "Aren't y'all glad I'm a nurse and can teach you important stuff like this?"

He muttered, "Yeah. We'll go with that." And pulled his hoodie up over his head.

Then I started telling inappropriate jokes. "What does an 80 year old woman have between her breasts that a 20 year old doesn't? Her belly button!"

Strangely, I haven't seen either one of them since we got home.

unfound posted 2/10/2014 20:57 PM

DS15 started banging his head on the window of the van.

jrc1963 posted 2/10/2014 20:59 PM

OMG!!! Too funny!!!

Threnody posted 2/10/2014 21:08 PM

BAB61 posted 2/11/2014 00:11 AM

My oldest turned 17 today (well, I guess technically yesterday ... I just am up late) and her 14yo sister arranged a surprise sleepover with 2 of her friends. They were in the living room and I could hear them talking. They are all inexperienced aka virgins .. and yet, ... wait for it ... they were talking about blow jobs!!! It was all I could do not to go in and give them pointers! I am a child of the 60's .. and came of age during the time of 'free love' .... buahahaha

Harriet posted 2/11/2014 00:52 AM

What is the difference, HFSSC? I'll google it...I use sex ed as a way to get my kids to behave and I've told them everything I know so I need new material.
"No, you don't have to take out the garbage. We'll just chat about oral sex now."

authenticnow posted 2/11/2014 06:00 AM

I love messing with my kids. They aren't teenagers, they're early 20s, but it's still just so much fun!

HFSSC posted 2/11/2014 07:09 AM

AN, my mom still does it to me, so I gotta get mine somewhere.

FYI, if anyone doesn't know this, the vagina is the internal passageway that connects the uterus to the outside, so to speak. The vulva is the external genitalia (ie, what you can see). So when I come to work and see a note that someone's "vagina is swollen" I decide that nurse is ignorant or else very industrious to hunt down a speculum and look inside.

authenticnow posted 2/11/2014 07:31 AM

Our headboard has slats and one of them got detached at the bottom through the years. When we were moving, DD noticed and said, "Mom, look, your bed is broken!" and I looked at LD and said, "That was some night, wasn't it?" with a smirk. He replied, "Yeah, baby!" DD yelled, "Ewwwww, mommmmmm, you guys are gross!!!!!!!!"

ISPIFFD posted 2/11/2014 08:51 AM

Strangely, I haven't seen either one of them since we got home

nowiknow23 posted 2/11/2014 09:28 AM

"Ewwwww, mommmmmm, you guys are gross!!!!!!!!"

simplydevastated posted 2/11/2014 11:10 AM

This thread is priceless.

SoVerySadNow posted 2/11/2014 11:12 AM

Mmmmuuhhhaaaaaha!

MissesJai posted 2/11/2014 11:26 AM

Love it

Williesmom posted 2/11/2014 11:32 AM

It works with brothers also. My mom and brother are nurses. He was at mom's house when I called with a medical question. He said "what is it? I can help you."

So, I started graphically describing my "girl problem". He could not get the phone to mom fast enough.

I actually had a cold, but couldn't resist messing with him.

simplydevastated posted 2/11/2014 11:34 AM

So, I started graphically describing my "girl problem". He could not get the phone to mom fast enough.

Aubrie posted 2/11/2014 11:51 AM

Few years ago my brother needed a condom for a school project. My prude mother asked me to buy them. She was too embarrassed, and she refused to let my brother go buy them.

I waltzed my unashamed self up to the front desk at the Health Department and asked for one of those brown paper bags. Went marching back to Mother's house and yelled thru the house, "Oh Brotherrrrrrr, I have something for youuuuuuuu." He trudged into the kitchen, head down, avoiding eye contact, grabbed the bag out of my hand, and kept walking.

Couple hours later I got a text, "Why did you get a whole bag!? I only needed one! What am I supposed to do with the rest?"

Do you really need me to tell you?

I didn't hear another word from him.

Tred posted 2/11/2014 12:16 PM

What am I supposed to do with the rest?

itainteasy posted 2/11/2014 12:16 PM

My mom and stepdad like to talk about sex in front of me.

It embarassed me at 16.

And now at 37, I ask my mother if she'd like "pointers".

It shuts them up.

lordhasaplan? posted 2/11/2014 12:21 PM

Two words: Balloon animals.

Wish I could pull this one off, not the condom of course....