Well, there is all sorts of fun to be had when they become teenagers. <evil laughter>
Tonight, I started out by telling my guys the difference between "vagina" and "vulva". I told them that was useful information that may be important to them some day. (It's one of my pet peeves, especially at work, when health care professionals don't know the difference) DS15 started banging his head on the window of the van.
I said, "Aren't y'all glad I'm a nurse and can teach you important stuff like this?"
He muttered, "Yeah. We'll go with that." And pulled his hoodie up over his head.
Then I started telling inappropriate jokes. "What does an 80 year old woman have between her breasts that a 20 year old doesn't? Her belly button!"
Strangely, I haven't seen either one of them since we got home.
DS15 started banging his head on the window of the van.
FYI, if anyone doesn't know this, the vagina is the internal passageway that connects the uterus to the outside, so to speak. The vulva is the external genitalia (ie, what you can see). So when I come to work and see a note that someone's "vagina is swollen" I decide that nurse is ignorant or else very industrious to hunt down a speculum and look inside.
Strangely, I haven't seen either one of them since we got home
"Ewwwww, mommmmmm, you guys are gross!!!!!!!!"
"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you." -Walt Whitman
This thread is priceless.
So, I started graphically describing my "girl problem". He could not get the phone to mom fast enough.
I actually had a cold, but couldn't resist messing with him.
I waltzed my unashamed self up to the front desk at the Health Department and asked for one of those brown paper bags. Went marching back to Mother's house and yelled thru the house, "Oh Brotherrrrrrr, I have something for youuuuuuuu." He trudged into the kitchen, head down, avoiding eye contact, grabbed the bag out of my hand, and kept walking.
Couple hours later I got a text, "Why did you get a whole bag!? I only needed one! What am I supposed to do with the rest?"
Do you really need me to tell you?
I didn't hear another word from him.
What am I supposed to do with the rest?
It embarassed me at 16.
And now at 37, I ask my mother if she'd like "pointers".
It shuts them up.
Two words: Balloon animals.
Wish I could pull this one off, not the condom of course....
