SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

blakesteele posted 2/11/2014 06:36 AM

...and I wanted to post that I am sad. I feel like a little boy that needs a hug. Yes, this post is me looking for attention.

In the past I would seek out unhealthy means to feel better....starting with denying that I felt sad in the first place.

About this time last year I chose to turn away from porn....to sit with my feelings, to examine them, to expose as much of the roots of motivations within me as I could.

It has been time and energy well spent. It has come at a cost....I look and feel much older than I am, I still spontaneously cry, anger is much less part of me...and I kind of miss it as it did make me feel better but it, like porn, was a temporary band aid that prohibited real, permanent growth to occur.

But the price of NOT doing this would have been much greater. My M would have limped along at best, my family would not have reached the potential I see for it, and I would have remained blind to feelings that needed healed.

I have always been an out-going, life of the party, funny guy....still enjoy being that guy. But I see a new part of me coming into the light. A guy that desires real connection...both with himself and those I choose to interact with.

I see real value in honest fellowship......both virtually here on SI and in real life with my wife and a very close friend.

Thank you for the support and comfort you have regularly provided me.

God be with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 6:39 AM, February 11th (Tuesday)]

MrsDoubtfire posted 2/11/2014 06:46 AM

Happy Birthday and enjoy this sinless cake

I hope your WW comes up trumps and you have a great day.

olwen posted 2/11/2014 06:58 AM

Happy birthday! Hope you have a good day.

It's my 36th tomorrow so nearly birthday buddies lol

[This message edited by olwen at 7:44 AM, February 11th (Tuesday)]

Crushed15Feb13 posted 2/11/2014 06:58 AM

Happy Birthday, Blakesteele!

And many happy returns of the day!

deena04 posted 2/11/2014 07:02 AM

Happy birthday! Mine was yesterday and I felt sad most of the day, so I hear you on that. Enjoy your day and many more!!

byefornow posted 2/11/2014 07:26 AM

Happy birthday! I hope the year ahead holds many blessings for you!

1owner posted 2/11/2014 07:28 AM

Happy birthday Blakesteele!!!

Your posts are always very insightful and I enjoy reading them.

I know what you mean about looking and feeling older, this infidelity crap does take it's toll, that's for sure.

Happy birthday and many happy returns!

bionicgal posted 2/11/2014 07:30 AM

I have always been an out-going, life of the party, funny guy....still enjoy being that guy. But I see a new part of me coming into the light. A guy that desires real connection...both with himself and those I choose to interact with.

I admire you BS. And, here is a virtual hug ((Blakesteele)).

What a great b-day present to yourself. How lucky are you that at the (young) age of 40-something-ish, you were able to figure out what many spend a life searching for? Living an authentic life. . . that is a gift. It is a gift to know it is possible, and to strive for it. It is a gift to be self-reflective and aware.

I recently celebrated a birthday too, and it was bittersweet. I am both better, and more hurt than I have ever been. I think this is the year (or two, or five) that I am most fully living the human condition in all of its flavors. We don't get these opportunities that often: to have a crisis that rocks us to the core. I have already lost a parent, and I have actually learned far more from this.

I am grateful to be alive, and looking forward to more ups than downs in the future. Hoping for the same for you as well.

Sadmumma posted 2/11/2014 07:31 AM

Happy birthday. Hope it's a great one

ItsaClimb posted 2/11/2014 07:55 AM

Happy Birthday {{Blakesteele}}

You're such an inspiration to me. Hope your sadness lifts and you can enjoy your day to the full.

creativecat posted 2/11/2014 07:55 AM

Happy Birthday, blakesteele! You deserve tons of attention!

I send you the gift of gratitude, for all the wisdom you have posted on here.

God's blessings to you today and always!

openedupmyeyes posted 2/11/2014 07:58 AM

Happy Birthday!

petite71 posted 2/11/2014 08:01 AM

Happy Birthday!!

StillStanding1 posted 2/11/2014 08:14 AM

Happy Birthday!!!!! I hope the sadness will dispel and that you can find joy in the littlest things. I always enjoy your posts and keep you in my prayers as we all weather this journey.

stunnedin12 posted 2/11/2014 08:15 AM

Happy Birthday!

PinkJeepLady posted 2/11/2014 08:34 AM

Congrats on giving up porn! I appreciate you standing up against it.

Hey, the day isn't over yet.......you never know what might happen! I hope at the end of the day you look back and can say it was a Happy Birthday! Hang in there!

lordhasaplan? posted 2/11/2014 08:36 AM

Happy Birthday!

Loadsofchocolate posted 2/11/2014 08:37 AM

Happy Birthday blakesteele hope you have a great day!!

SoVerySadNow posted 2/11/2014 09:16 AM

Have the happiest of birthdays!
I think I remember you and your wife had the weekend away at Retrouvaille- what a wonderful rebirth there too.
Enjoy your day with your family.

MovingUpward posted 2/11/2014 09:18 AM

Happy Birthday!