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Newest Member: Giupeppe (46032)

User Topic: jealousy
damncutekitty
♀ 5929
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of my good friends got engaged last week.

I am not exagerating when I say that last year there was about one engagement announcement a month on my Facebook last year. Loads of people got engaged and it didn't phase me I was totally happy for all of them. (OK except maybe the one girl who got engaged while on vacation in Europe but I swear that was travel envy)

But when my friend and her fiancee posted photos last week I admit I was (and am) jealous as hell. I am trying not to show it. In fact I am surprising them with a cake this weekend at a party we will all be at.

I didn't think I wanted to get married again. I really thought I was fine just living with my SO. I love him, I know he loves me. I know neither of us is going anywhere. Marriage is just a piece of paper... right?

But dang, I keep seeing my friends ring selfie and I am filled with envy.

I blame facebook for this post.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
MovingUpward
♂ 14866
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Marriage is just a piece of paper... right?

To some it is. To others it is more. To another group they can have a deep relationship like a marriage is intended to be without being married.


So is there a particular detailed aspect of your friend's engagement that is making you jealous?


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 53326 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
damncutekitty
♀ 5929
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So is there a particular detailed aspect of your friend's engagement that is making you jealous?

It don't know. It might have been the hugely romantic public proposal. I know it's not the bling. (though her ring is lovely)

I'm not even sure what is going on with me. I was sort of caught of guard by how I reacted to the news.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
wildbananas
♀ 10552
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Heck, you love the guy and you're crazy about him. Maybe it's just as simple as you want to marry him. Yannow?


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15449 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
absolut
♀ 37933
Member # 37933
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What's stopping you from marrying your guy?

Posts: 421 | Registered: Dec 2012
SeanFLA
♂ 32380
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Take a break from FakeBook. You know that 50% to 60% are going to end up like...well you know. Be happy with whom you are with. BTDT. If that's what you want you will know one day. Don't pace your life at the thought of what other's are doing. This is not a race.


BS(me) 48
WW 47
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1479 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
Crescita
♀ 32616
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't think I wanted to get married again. I really thought I was fine just living with my SO. I love him, I know he loves me. I know neither of us is going anywhere. Marriage is just a piece of paper... right?

Have you discussed this with your SO? It doesn't sound like your feelings about him have changed, just your feelings about marriage.

After all, if it's "just" a piece of paper, that isn't necessarily an argument against it. Maybe it would just be nice to know you are willing and happy to marry each other, even if you ultimately decide you don't need it.


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3578 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Whalers11
♀ 27544
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I accepted a non-marriage long term relationship with my ex.

While I know marriage does not prevent infidelity, I feel like it means something to make that commitment official and in front of witnesses.

My ex probably would have cheated regardless, but he couldn't even pretend like he wanted to be together forever.

[This message edited by Whalers11 at 5:34 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)]


Me: BGF - 33

I gave you more than I ever got back
You left me here to forget about that
All the things you thought you had have gone
Let that be a lesson to you
-Richie Kotzen, "Special"


Posts: 2325 | Registered: Feb 2010
inconnu
♀ 24518
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Over the past few years, I've had several times like that, where I was incredibly envious of people announcing their engagements, even though I told SO from the beginning that I didn't have to be married to be in a long-term, committed relationship. And mostly, I still mean that. But every once in a while, it just comes at me from out of nowhere, and I'm jealous.

The last time it happened, I picked my feelings apart trying to get to the bottom of it. And what I finally figured out is that while I don't need to get married, what I want when I'm effected like this is to be a woman that a man wants to be married to.

Yeah, there's definitely no lingering issues from getting divorced in that, now is there?

oh yeah, and to be completely honest, I do want the bling. I do miss wearing the sparkly ring and being able to show the world that I'm in a committed relationship. I know rings don't mean much to some people, but they do to me.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12187 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
damncutekitty
♀ 5929
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you discussed this with your SO? It doesn't sound like your feelings about him have changed, just your feelings about marriage.

He knows that if he asked I would say yes. I just know he's not going to ask. Last time the subject came up he said that unless people have kids, marriage doesn't really change anything so what was the point.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
hurtbs
♀ 10866
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember how happy and excited I was when I got engaged and then married. I remember how that when to shit.

I get why you're bummed. If marriage is what you want and SO won't do that, then maybe it's time to end that relationship?

[This message edited by hurtbs at 7:47 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)]


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15343 | Registered: Jun 2006
damncutekitty
♀ 5929
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If marriage is what you want and SO won't do that, then maybe it's time to end that relationship?

It's nothing like that. Honestly until last week I was really fine with never getting married again. And if it came down to choosing between him or getting married I would choose him without hesitation.

I'm sure once my friend starts planning her wedding and dealing with all that headache I will stop being jealous. LOL I think weddings are only fun for guests, and only then when the booze is free.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
k94ever
♀ 11176
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am going to disagree with your SO.

There's more to marriage than just kids.

IMHO a marriage tells everyone that you are proud to be loved by that special other person and want to show the world how proud and honored you are to be committed to each other.

Does it sound like a crock of bull? Probably, but for us who have come through the fires of hell and really get what the word commitment means, marriage takes on a whole 'nother meaning.

That's just me though.

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6635 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
Topic Posts: 13

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