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damncutekitty posted 2/11/2014 08:02 AM

One of my good friends got engaged last week.

I am not exagerating when I say that last year there was about one engagement announcement a month on my Facebook last year. Loads of people got engaged and it didn't phase me I was totally happy for all of them. (OK except maybe the one girl who got engaged while on vacation in Europe but I swear that was travel envy)

But when my friend and her fiancee posted photos last week I admit I was (and am) jealous as hell. I am trying not to show it. In fact I am surprising them with a cake this weekend at a party we will all be at.

I didn't think I wanted to get married again. I really thought I was fine just living with my SO. I love him, I know he loves me. I know neither of us is going anywhere. Marriage is just a piece of paper... right?

But dang, I keep seeing my friends ring selfie and I am filled with envy.

I blame facebook for this post.

MovingUpward posted 2/11/2014 08:07 AM

Marriage is just a piece of paper... right?

To some it is. To others it is more. To another group they can have a deep relationship like a marriage is intended to be without being married.


So is there a particular detailed aspect of your friend's engagement that is making you jealous?

damncutekitty posted 2/11/2014 08:17 AM

So is there a particular detailed aspect of your friend's engagement that is making you jealous?

It don't know. It might have been the hugely romantic public proposal. I know it's not the bling. (though her ring is lovely)

I'm not even sure what is going on with me. I was sort of caught of guard by how I reacted to the news.

wildbananas posted 2/11/2014 09:00 AM

Heck, you love the guy and you're crazy about him. Maybe it's just as simple as you want to marry him. Yannow?

absolut posted 2/11/2014 11:26 AM

What's stopping you from marrying your guy?

SeanFLA posted 2/11/2014 13:23 PM

Take a break from FakeBook. You know that 50% to 60% are going to end up like...well you know. Be happy with whom you are with. BTDT. If that's what you want you will know one day. Don't pace your life at the thought of what other's are doing. This is not a race.

Crescita posted 2/11/2014 14:35 PM

I didn't think I wanted to get married again. I really thought I was fine just living with my SO. I love him, I know he loves me. I know neither of us is going anywhere. Marriage is just a piece of paper... right?

Have you discussed this with your SO? It doesn't sound like your feelings about him have changed, just your feelings about marriage.

After all, if it's "just" a piece of paper, that isn't necessarily an argument against it. Maybe it would just be nice to know you are willing and happy to marry each other, even if you ultimately decide you don't need it.

Whalers11 posted 2/11/2014 17:32 PM

I accepted a non-marriage long term relationship with my ex.

While I know marriage does not prevent infidelity, I feel like it means something to make that commitment official and in front of witnesses.

My ex probably would have cheated regardless, but he couldn't even pretend like he wanted to be together forever.

[This message edited by Whalers11 at 5:34 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)]

inconnu posted 2/11/2014 18:43 PM

Over the past few years, I've had several times like that, where I was incredibly envious of people announcing their engagements, even though I told SO from the beginning that I didn't have to be married to be in a long-term, committed relationship. And mostly, I still mean that. But every once in a while, it just comes at me from out of nowhere, and I'm jealous.

The last time it happened, I picked my feelings apart trying to get to the bottom of it. And what I finally figured out is that while I don't need to get married, what I want when I'm effected like this is to be a woman that a man wants to be married to.

Yeah, there's definitely no lingering issues from getting divorced in that, now is there?

oh yeah, and to be completely honest, I do want the bling. I do miss wearing the sparkly ring and being able to show the world that I'm in a committed relationship. I know rings don't mean much to some people, but they do to me.

damncutekitty posted 2/11/2014 19:41 PM

Have you discussed this with your SO? It doesn't sound like your feelings about him have changed, just your feelings about marriage.

He knows that if he asked I would say yes. I just know he's not going to ask. Last time the subject came up he said that unless people have kids, marriage doesn't really change anything so what was the point.

hurtbs posted 2/11/2014 19:45 PM

I remember how happy and excited I was when I got engaged and then married. I remember how that when to shit.

I get why you're bummed. If marriage is what you want and SO won't do that, then maybe it's time to end that relationship?

[This message edited by hurtbs at 7:47 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)]

damncutekitty posted 2/11/2014 20:02 PM

If marriage is what you want and SO won't do that, then maybe it's time to end that relationship?

It's nothing like that. Honestly until last week I was really fine with never getting married again. And if it came down to choosing between him or getting married I would choose him without hesitation.

I'm sure once my friend starts planning her wedding and dealing with all that headache I will stop being jealous. LOL I think weddings are only fun for guests, and only then when the booze is free.

k94ever posted 2/12/2014 18:15 PM

I am going to disagree with your SO.

There's more to marriage than just kids.

IMHO a marriage tells everyone that you are proud to be loved by that special other person and want to show the world how proud and honored you are to be committed to each other.

Does it sound like a crock of bull? Probably, but for us who have come through the fires of hell and really get what the word commitment means, marriage takes on a whole 'nother meaning.

That's just me though.

k9

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