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Ellejay (original poster member #30498) posted at 5:44 PM on Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
Well I survived my son's wedding. Sir Shagalot came and had photos taken at my son's house in the morning along with me. I just clenched my teeth through it all. Afterwards, off he went to join OW2 and the rest of his family and make his own way to the wedding. What a waste. Nevertheless, it was a spectacular day. My son and his beautiful bride looked amazing. I am so happy for them.
His lordship stayed out of my hair for the most part, he just hung out with OW2 and his sister and family. The only really awkward moment came when the parents (including Shagalot and myself) were announced into the Reception. Neither of us said a word to each other as we waited outside. It was really sad. OW2 is a strange looking woman, has a very pronounced jaw, very mannish, in fact a couple of people even asked me if she was one (a man that is). Anyway, gorgeous wedding for my son and his new bride. I love them to pieces, bless them.
I just felt a lot of grief for a few days afterwards. Grief in that I couldn't share my pride with idiot ex H. I couldn't even given him a hug on the day. He has taken that from us both. He is an idiot for what he has done to our family.
How do other BS's cope with these sort of celebrations? Am I normal to feel like its D-Day all over again even after 3 years?
Ellejay
Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?
absolut ( member #37933) posted at 5:50 PM on Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
((ellejay))
I just want to tell you, you did a wonderful thing for your son. You really did. And your new DIL
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 5:57 PM on Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
I haven't been through this myself, but I have had a couple of smaller milestone moments with the kids that have triggered grief. I think it's a *normal* response, honey.
So glad to hear that the wedding went beautifully. Congratulations to your DS and DIL. And tons of hugs to you. ((((Ellejay))))
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
TrulySad ( member #39652) posted at 6:15 PM on Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
I've gone through one college graduation of our oldest, and two high school graduations. My ex was at all three. For the last two, he brought his new (20 yrs younger) wife. She was not an OW. She was someone he met, and has never been around our children.
I am completely polite to them. I never sat with them, and I made sure I had a "friend" with me...along with all our other children.
Give it time. For me, after a bit, it was very easy. I discovered his new wife hates me (and the kids). Shes from another country and I think was expecting an old Russian 40 something yr old when she met me. Nah, not exactly. That gave me so much relief. I felt like it empowered me.
What I see now is my ex is the one who's sad and regrets the life he's carved for himself. I think he sees who he lost, in me, and he is far more miserable than I am now.
Maybe it's wrong, but I do get some satisfaction in all of that.
Me : no longer a BW or BGF. Starting over!
Them : in the past, where they can stay.
cancuncrushed ( member #28156) posted at 6:17 PM on Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
We planned my only daughters wedding soon after Dday. She was so excited, and happy. I was a zombie. It was so very hard. It didnt help that H was an ass. Flirting. Watching...I felt no joy. I watched the time, hoping I could leave sooner. It hurt for my daughter. I hated him that day. That week. the dance, ANd the photo's..H arrogance.........I cant look at them still. I cant look at any of our photos. I feel the same at holidays. Too many expectations and I cant feel it. No celebrations if I can help it. We do this for our kids.
Ellejay (original poster member #30498) posted at 6:38 PM on Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
Yes, we do it for our kids. Every time I see him and don't grab him by the throat I know I am doing it for my kids.
His arrogance just blows me away though. Who knows, maybe he did feel a sense of loss on the day like I did but he would never admit it. He would just see my coldness towards him as my "problem" rather than a natural reaction to his devastating behavior because he has no appreciation of what he has put all of us through or how deeply his shit has affected me and everyone else.
I did try and forget about it all on the day though. It is just so hard doing it.
EJ
Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?
cancuncrushed ( member #28156) posted at 6:41 PM on Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
Yep, he is fine. Rugsweeping. Compartmentalizing. Makes it all better. Then escapes back into his private world where he can hide from being a man.
A family celebration is not the place to prove to you, he is happy without you...Hes a coward. He should have given you a small moment, a hand squeeze and shared your childs celebration, if for a second. ANd wished you well.
It felt like a rub. Your better off. Really.
[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 12:46 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)]
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