I can think of hundreds of instances where his actions didn't take his kids into account. Seems to me that for the past 19 years, only ONE of us has had the *best interests* of the kids as a priority for our decision-making.....and it definitely WASN'T stbx.
Some WS' lose the *right* to ever let those words pass through their lips. My stbx is one of them.....
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
One time DD lied to him about being in HomeTown. He lived there and we were visiting my family but did not tell him we were there. Lo and behold, he or his sister saw us and then he called DD and she lied to him. I immediately forced her to call him back and tell him that she lied and to apologize because we (she and I) live in a "No Lie Zone". She was unhappy, but she did it. So the next time he comes to our town he starts to lecture her about lying. Oh NO You Di'nt! I said "Hey, you have no room to talk here, so shut up about her lying. I have already addressed it with her." And yes, I said it in front of DD. That MF was NOT going to lecture MY honest and authentic child about the one time she lied because he was so much of an ass she did not want to see him while in his town. No sir. STFU!!
Yeah, my X lost the right to just about everything based on his actions and inactions. Let alone what is "best" for a child that he has scarred for life!
[This message edited by Softcentre at 2:41 AM, February 12th, 2014 (Wednesday)]
Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him
They didn't just lose their 'best interest of kids' card but a whole deck of others too. Such as:
'Man/woman' card - for being so cowardly
'I'm sorry' card - for not understanding what the word sorry actually means
'I'm a good person but I made a mistake' card - for continuing the 'mistake' and see first point
'I didn't mean for it to happen/it just happened' card - ummmm no, deliberately setting out to inflict harm continually/repeatedly against your partner through deliberate actions is actually intent to cause harm.
Just a few cards unremoseful WWs have lost IMHO.
"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou
He told me last night how sorry he was about what happened and how he regrets it every day.
So I asked him why, when he could see me crying and pain for over a year while he had his affair, he didn't end it instead of promising me there was nothing going on...
"I was in denial."
Let me get this straight: he was in denial about the fact that having an affair was wrong? Or that it was damaging his marriage? Or that his wife was in emotional agony?
No denial here's here, he knew EXACTLY what was going on, just pure selfishness.
I remember having a (very mild) disagreement with XWW over our holiday parenting schedule. I told her she might have to compromise with me, and completely misunderstanding the meaning of the word "compromise," responded, "Yeah. But just so you know, I'm going to push for what I want." At that moment, I could almost see the switch go off in her brain as she rushed to add, "What I want is what's best for DD. Do you?"
The only thing you can hope is that no one else is stupid enough to fall for their bullshit.
You know, I have no doubt that she loves our daughter, but there's no doubt who she's putting first.
[This message edited by dbellanon at 7:16 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)]
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.