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Newest Member: octo8 (61864)

User Topic: Custody models
♂ 40173
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My STBX and I have been doing a nesting set-up since August where the kids stay in the marital home and she and I move in and out of the house on a rotating schedule. We are going to be trying to sell the house this spring, and we will need a new custody set-up once there are two homes, as moving the kids back and forth on the current schedule would be cruel on them.

I am wondering if folks could share their custody schedules here, so I could get a sense of the possibilities? My best guess is that the custody will be roughly 50-50, once we get it approved, but I would also be interested from hearing from folks who have a custody schedule that is not 50-50.

Thanks in advance.

Me: BH, 40
Her: Ms. Daisy
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, living together
Dday: 7/28/13
Ds17, DS12, DD12
Divorced! 2/24/2015
Apology. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Posts: 1155 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 26071
Member # 26071
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are 60-40 more or less, with a 3-4-4-3 schedule. What that looks like is, kids are with me M-Th am, after school he picks up and they are with him till either Sat night or he drops them at school Monday morning. That way we both get the Saturday night/Sunday every other week, and every other week we can have adult time. We split it these particular days because of my school schedule, which means I am in class Th night, Fri, and/or Saturday, while he works a traditional 9-5. I can still be primary parent, we pay for little childcare, and the kids aren't constantly being shuffled. They are 7, 10, 13 btw.

D-Day: 6/5/09, drunken ONS on business trip, confessed immediately, transparent, remorseful but emotionally clueless
M 11 years, 3 kids
4/12 Tried to R for 3 years, have decided to D
12/31/12 D final

Posts: 542 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: PacNW
♂ 41294
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a dad. STBXWW is a SAHM and I work full time. We have a SN child. We haven't had a mandatory mediation or a parenting plan yet but we're sharing custody successfully.

Because of trust issues and the OM's prior history of violent behavior (and her history of histrionics and lots of FOO issues), I do all dropoffs separate to avoid her blaming me of anything. So I don't see her. I moved out and got a house with a bedroom for each kid, and furnished it with basic IKEA stuff. She says she wants to keep the house "for the kids".

- I pick up Fri night (I send someone) and return them Thu AM (dropoff @school). That's my "long" week.
- The next weekend they are with STBXWW. I then pick up Sun night (I send someone) and return them Wed AM (dropoff @school). Then I pick up again Friday.

It leaves me at about 60% and her at 40%. She has lots of time to spend with OM now, and apparently takes full advantage of it.

But at least I get my kids for most of the time, so it's not like anything has changed from the time she'd go off for days on end.

And the joke will be on her at the custody hearing.

Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
XBH and healing. D final March 2016
Her: Doesn't matter anymore.
DS13 Severe SN. DD11 Awesome

Posts: 1012 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
♀ 18442
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

a week on a week off with Mondays being the swap day. they get dropped off at school so I dont see ex unless he drops off things at door.

6/07 EX had MANY affairs.
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09. 2 kids. I have 100% custody of. ex rarely sees.
2017: still trying to pick pieces up

Posts: 819 | Registered: Mar 2008
♂ 29779
Member # 29779
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We do 5/2/5/2 every other weekend. I get kids every Wed and have them til Friday or the following Monday. She gets them every monday and has them two days, then gets them friday and has them through Wednesday. We switch around school, take or pick up. In summer it's more flexible and we each do a week usually with the kids. We trade christmas day and turkey dinner but, again, are very flexible.

me - 41 BH

Posts: 435 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: VA
♂ 41988
Member # 41988
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We've agreed on 50/50, but I'm pushing to customizing it where I retain 2nd and 4th Friday of the month. To me it makes scheduling easier into the future so that we don't have to calculate the calendar or refer to one every time we plan outings or vacations. We'll just know immediately whose possession that week falls on. I'm flexible, so if it falls on my week and STBXW wants to take them out of town for legitimate reasons all she has to do is ask, provide an itinerary, and propose how to make up that lost possession time before or after that week.

There are four extra weekends that come out of this and we can split those to get an extra weekend out of our week of possession OR to make up for what was explained above.

STBXW doesn't like it. I say tough cookies, it's the cost of being selfish and having an A.

Dday in 2012
D final 2014
M to better woman in 2016 and still living my NB.

Posts: 1994 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Southwest
♀ 36809
Member # 36809
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My XWH travels a lot and the kids are in high school and have very busy schedules during the week. So during the school year it is EOW and they stay with him til Monday morning. They do not like staying til monday and would prefer to come home sunday night. During the week if it works he can take them to dinner but does not happen very often and there are no overnights during the week. During the summer there are 11 weeks of school vacation, I am guaranteed the first 2 weeks and last week of the summer. He gets 5 weeks and I get 6 weeks total for the summer. It is suppose to be alternating but I was flexible for this coming summer and so it is not exactly alternating weeks.

BS (me)
It takes a village to deal with the village idiot!
“If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane.”
― Robert Frost

Posts: 493 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: USA
♀ 40095
Member # 40095
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Daughter is 18 months old. we do 50/50 on a 2-2-3 schedule. Parent A has her M/T, Parent B has her Wed/Thurs, Parent A has her Fri-Sun. Then Parent B has her M/T, Parent A has her Wed/Thurs, Parent B has her Fri-Sun. So it goes on a two week rotation.

She's too young for every other week, but we may go to that or to the 3-4-4-3 when she gets to be school age. If you google around or look on there are a lot of examples. The 2-2-3 is the best 50/50 arrangement for a very young child because they don't go so long without seeing a parent. But it does mean more back and forth. For older kids, I would try to minimize transitions and maybe do week on, week off, with one dinner/afternoon visit with the non-weekly parent during the week.

BS: Me
WH: Husband
One daughter - 22 months
Married 11.5 years
2.5 false R's.
Status: Divorcing.
You can't pick up a turd by the clean end. Time to flush the toilet.

Posts: 253 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere on the Eastern Seaboard
Topic Posts: 8

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