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Newest Member: Port (45718)

User Topic: Marriage 101
Tred
♂ 34086
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Interesting article in The Atlantic: "The First Lesson of Marriage 101: There Are No Soul Mates". Seems topical with all the recent focus on twin flames.

http://www.theatlantic.com/education/archive/2014/02/the-first-lesson-of-marriage-101-there-are-no-soul-mates/283712/

I found it interesting.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4074 | Registered: Dec 2011
Pass
♂ 38122
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a great course. One time when I told The Princess that she was quite consistently rotten to me for the first five years of our marriage, she said, "Yeah, I guess I just didn't know HOW to be married."

No shit!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2157 | Registered: Jan 2013
NikkiD
♀ 38173
Member # 38173
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome!! Now I know Im not crazy. My WS is alwasy talking about its easy...and there is no skill involved....I tried, to know avail to explain that there absolutely is skill required and learned behaviors. AND this does it quite well!


"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

“The foundation of our course is based on correcting a misconception: that to make a marriage work, you have to find the right person. The fact is, you have to be the right person.”

THIS. Oh my God. It's sad, because you can't teach it, and I assumed it was a given that it would be true on both sides. Here is what all the 'you can't fix broken' advice comes from. Here is the sad part about being in love with someone who turns out to not understand themselves--because there's nothing you can do for them to change that.

I also think all the 'love' I had overlooked dissimilarities in values because hey, love mattered more than those differences...but the differences were that he was less empathetic, less interested in other people, more focused on power, basically not attuned to/caring about others, which in the end had a whole heckuvalot to do with how he was able to treat me so badly.

Lots of 'ding ding ding' reading this for me. Thanks for sharing.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4203 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Tred
♂ 34086
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought the article had some great points as well. The "being the right person" point was great. I remember hearing once (can't remember the source) that marriage isn't 50/50 - it's both giving 100%.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4074 | Registered: Dec 2011
Topic Posts: 5

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