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One year ago today, was the last time my H saw OW and had sex. It was their last time because he was leaving the city his project was based in and not returning. I am triggering big time, and at the same time, I'm relishing a little in the fact that she's probably remembering too and miserable today.

I'm trying to look at this day as the beginning of the end, it took 5 more months for her to really be gone, but I can at least mark this as one year since they physically saw each other. He came home to me the next day and has never returned to her city.

I don't know if I'm sad, mad, relieved.... or all of the above. Ny heart is pounding and I feel like an anxious ball of yuck . I hate this, really really hate this.

All these firsts can be so hard. The memories that flood back in. The where we were, where we are....I so understand.

There is no way to just skip over these days, so you really just have to go through them.

Respect the pain they bring, feel it, work through it and proceed...it's all you can do. Remember to listen to your needs. Do as much or as little as you want/need to.

And remember as hard as each day is, the next one can only get easier.

(((hugs))) and strength.

I'm about to hit the year mark of when she first contacted H. It's hard. He says, I only love you. But, he said that last year too. How to believe anything he says feels impossible. But from some great advice on SI - it's all normal and the pain will dull and then slowly fade. We may never forget but normalcy will return.

(((HUGS)))

You are right to hate it! Be kind to yourself today. Do something nice just for you if you can. Big hugs.

Thank you all for the support. As always I can count on my fellow SI'rs to help me through. Brings tears truthfully to find comfort here and know I'm not alone.