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Newest Member: solstice (46049)

User Topic: The Golden Manual
movingforward13
♀ 38405
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We all need to get together and compose the Cheater's Manual, complete with chapters, things they say, personality disorders, "going underground" and etc. I swear there is a manual but I can't find it.... Guess because I am not a cheater

[This message edited by movingforward13 at 11:01 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)]


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 645 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
NikkiD
♀ 38173
Member # 38173
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im down!!!


"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
simplydevastated
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds good. I'm pretty good at writing.

We can't forget the chapter "Soulmate Schmoopies."


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How about "what I did in my own time, when you weren't around, was my business"? That's a pearl right there.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4238 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
simplydevastated
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another chapter "What I did wasn't as bad as what other people have done."

My favorite chapter, though "I didn't realize what I was doing was wrong."


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
BelleStar
♀ 13515
Member # 13515
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another chapter title: I've done nothing wrong...

Posts: 1127 | Registered: Feb 2007
scaredyKat
♀ 25560
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let's not forget the chapter on "you made me do it!" Hmmmm. Maybe that will need a volume II.


Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3870 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
heforgotme
♀ 38391
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Chapter 12. "I was never going to leave you."


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1091 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
marionwendy
♀ 41303
Member # 41303
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My chapters were: I didn't think That texting was cheating...and the 2nd chapter was: Just friends and the 3rd:was I didn't want to sleep with her?????????


BS-49
WS-50
Married-18
Together-21
Children-2

Life is not measured by the breaths we take
but by the moments that take our breath away.


Posts: 227 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: canada
TennisTC
♀ 41330
Member # 41330
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And don't forget "I love you but I'm not in love with you."


Me: BW Him: WH (Both early 30's)
Married 11 years with a DD7
DDay: 2-24-13
R'ing

Posts: 167 | Registered: Nov 2013
yestopants
♀ 41631
Member # 41631
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

what about....
chapter ? " I think we will be really great friends."


Me: 35
STBXWH: 38
2 amazing kids DS DD
almost Divorced!

Posts: 286 | Registered: Dec 2013
Rebreather
♀ 30817
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I always refer to it as the Cheater's Standard Book of Spells.

We need to be sure to include "I didn't think you loved me anymore and wouldn't care."


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Rec'd.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6693 | Registered: Jan 2011
Jduff
♂ 41988
Member # 41988
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seriously, I'm all for having a quick list of quotes from waywards to help the new BS sift through and immediately decipher their meaning. Make it a part of the healing library. I myself was completely blown away how common the excuses and rationalization were by many of them. I think this is important for the new BS to be able to see through the mindfvcking/gaslighting that is or is about to occur. The sooner a BS can separate fact from fantasy talk, the quicker he/she can take action to heal themselves and do the 180.

Ones I remember:

"We don't have anything in common." while conveniently overlooking everything we do actually have in common.

"There's just no passion/romance in this relationship".

"I'm a changed person."


Divorced - 5/23/14
Already in my New Beginning - :)

Posts: 657 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: texas
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

scaredyKat somehow it makes me feel so much better to know someone else was given the 'you made me do it!' line! Yeah, when I asked you to only try if you meant it I was really just saying 'lie to me more'


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4238 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
StillLivin
♀ 40229
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Or how they purposely pick fights and intentionally twisting words in order to be offended and pick a fight. That way, they can say that "all we ever do is fight", "we just can't talk to each other", "we don't communicate well".

Oh, and the nonsense after DD, "you would really like her if you just got to know her!"

[This message edited by StillLivin at 1:39 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)]


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2556 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
JLyn1128
♀ 41915
Member # 41915
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@Stilllivin..... seriously? He said that and lived? Of all the things he could say that would be fatal if he did it. My WSO said (in telling me he never intended to stay with her) "She's not even a nice person". It was all I could do not to say "well, birds of a feather, I guess".


Me BSO 62
Him WSO 62
Together 29 years, living together 17. He's been with her off and on for half of that.
OW - Available. Thinks 'love' is in the way he looks at her.
Status - R and hopeful

Posts: 107 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: CA
BelleStar
♀ 13515
Member # 13515
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was a mistake. I never meant for you to find out.

yeah right. bleh


Posts: 1127 | Registered: Feb 2007
lynnm1947
♀ 15300
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Chapter 20 If I Want to Fuck a Girl, I Will.

Actually said to me by XSO. Now you know why he's X.


Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks


Posts: 7524 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
movingforward13
♀ 38405
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love you but I am not in love with you...

Amazing cheating words. I will FOREVER know what this sentence means and how my life will change after it.

My XWH "I have cheated in every relationship I have ever been in." Wish he told me that BEFORE we started dating.


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 645 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Flowerforme
♀ 38497
Member # 38497
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All we did was kiss
She came on to me
And..... we only had sex once


Bgf-me
WWBf-ugh
DD Aug.1/2012 with an ex gf had been seeing her the entire time we were together..

Posts: 18 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 166
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