No real reason for this post just felt like rambling. Sorry for the language in advance. I am ok just a little irritated. Just thinking about Dealbreakers and how for me, her A and the TTing pretty much invalidated anything that came out of my STBXWW mouth after DDay. With her A she effectively stole 10 years fo my life. I am completely NC unless it's about the kids. Finances is handled with a monthly CS check. I am not mad anymore and I tolerate being around her when needed for things like kid swaps and school functions.
There were likely some valid points and issues that my STBXWW had with me and our M. However she will never get to voice those issues and even if she did I immediately dismissed them because nothing she can bring up will ever trump me saying "but stbxww, you fucked other dudes!" Once I realized my M was over I fully embraced this mantra. Right or wrong it was my sword and shield and it helped me make it through the tough times. The TTing, the blameshifting, the continued lying. I didn't enjoy it but it quickly shut down any discussions I didn't feel like having at the time and eventually we stopped having discussion at all which was fine by me since we were in-house S at the time.
7yrs, think about what we are doing to the kids. STBXW you should have thought about that when you were fucking other dudes. 7yrs, I had a car accident the other day and you didn't ask about me. STBXW you fired me from the job of caring anything about you when you fucked other dudes. 7yrs, why do we need to get our son into IC. STBXW, he needs IC because you decided to fuck other dudes which led to me filing for D. 7yrs, you seem like you have a lot of anger and I am hardening my heart towards you. STBXW, I don't give a fuck about you hardening your heart to me because you hardened it a long time ago when you decided to fuck other dudes. So I could care less about you or your feelings right now. It's no longer my job.
I just felt like getting this out. No real purpose to it but it's been in my head for a few weeks now. Just kind of irks me that to this day she still acts like everything is fine. I no longer dwell on it or even think about it often. It's impossible for her to cease to exist so I have to deal with her on occasion. My situation is much better than many here but it still sucks that I have to deal with her for the rest of my life in some way shape or form. Unfortunately there is no erase this person button or at least no one has given me access yet. On a bright note only 4 more months until this moronic 1 year waiting period is over and the D can be official. I am not free until I am officially free and divorced and it's not getting here soon enough.
