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Be Careful What You Ask WS

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LostSamurai posted 2/12/2014 14:50 PM

I asked her did she love me today?

CORRECTION
I love you but not sure what kind of love

I was having such a good day, and some reason, those words just killed me even more inside today. I feel overwhelming sadness.

[This message edited by LostSamurai at 4:11 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)]

strongerdaybyday posted 2/12/2014 14:54 PM

Oh hun (((HUGS))

I have no advice for you, sorry, but I read your post and had to respond.

nekorb posted 2/12/2014 14:54 PM

I'm so sorry.

I'm trying to learn not to set myself up like that.

norabird posted 2/12/2014 14:56 PM

This will sound like a distant consolation prize, but: You can love yourself fully. In the end that will be better for you than anything she can ever give.

LostSamurai posted 2/12/2014 15:01 PM

Thanks... I mean I was feeling good and like on top of the world and she knocked me right off it with that.

tushnurse posted 2/12/2014 15:03 PM

Lost - Of course it hurts, it's mean.
I hope you are beginning to see that she will continue to hurt you, and destroy you as long as you allow her to.

This ends when you say it does.

(((and strength)))

silentscream13 posted 2/12/2014 15:23 PM

((((lots of hugs))))

I am so sorry that she was so cruel to you. I wish I had some sage advice. The only thing that crosses my mind is that she most likely does not truly love herself, therefore she may not be capable of loving you the way you deserve to be loved.

Sending you strength (telepathically, of course).

Lethealbegin posted 2/12/2014 15:37 PM

I am so sorry she responded to you in that way. Remember you are a good person and deserve better than that!

suckstobeme posted 2/12/2014 15:45 PM

That's so awful. I know exactly how you feel.

When exWH was getting ready to move out and I didn't yet know about the A, he told me he loved me but wasn't in love with me. Then he told me that he wanted a trial separation and didn't want to file for divorce and that he was willing to try MC to explore his doubts. I was so confused and scared and hurt. I remember this like it was yesterday - I was crying and said to him, "I'm going to say the thing that I'm not supposed to say and I'm going to ask you and really beg you not to leave us.". He said he had to go. When I pushed him and asked why, he looked me right in the face and said, "because everything I ever felt for you is dead."

That still hurts when I let myself go back in time. It would have been better if he had balled up his fist and punched me right in the mouth.

But, you know what I learned from that? Number one - don't stick my hand over that flame ever again. If he was willing to say something so cruel without blinking an eye, he was not who I thought he was. And number two - don't believe a fucking thing he says. My opinion is that they bust out with the meanest, most cruel things they can say just to shut us up. They need to shock us into silence or else we will want to talk and make them really face what's happening. They will be forced to see the pain and that's the last thing they want.

I don't know if she still loves you. I'm pretty sure she doesn't know. All I know is that she is fucked up enough to want you to hurt more than she hurts. Don't give her what she wants. NC is now your best friend.

tearingaway posted 2/12/2014 15:55 PM

Wow, that's just stone cold. It certainly does not sound like a remorseful WS to me or one interested in R.

Are you taking care of yourself and protecting your interests? If not, you need to focus on those things.

Rebreather posted 2/12/2014 15:57 PM

I'm not sure giving an unremorseful wayward the opportunity to hurt you like that. 180, 180, 180. I know, I know, you are doing it your own way. But, youch. No reason to touch a hot stove on purpose.

Ostrich80 posted 2/12/2014 16:12 PM

Either she's too self absorbed to realize how cutting her words are OR she enjoys kicking you where it hurts. I'm sorry you had to hear that

sisoon posted 2/12/2014 16:26 PM

One of the things we need to do to recover from being betrayed is to stay in touch with 'reality'.

One great tool for doing that is, IMO, asking for the answers that scare you most.

I'm sorry she's such a jerk, but you need to know who you're dealing with. Kudos for asking.

whattheh posted 2/12/2014 16:33 PM

It was good you asked even though the answer disappointing.

You have a barameter of where her entitled head is at.

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