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Newest Member: m0ntp17 (61474)

User Topic: I am an idiot
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ExWBF said in our last gchat that he had started talking about our relationship in counseling...the IC he was supposed to get during false R but never did, and apparently is doing now. He said he thinks I'd be interested in hearing some about it, and asked if he could sometimes email about it, not expecting responses from me. I said that would be okay and that I'd let him know it if became too much. (I am not great at crickets! Or certain 180 aspects, even now that it's over, obviously.)

Of course I've been checking my trash compulsively (I filtered his emails to go in there. More of a gesture since I still look and retrieve them!) since then. He usually sees the IC on Tuesdays so I kept thinking maybe he's written...maybe he's written. Then I looked at his facebook page this afternoon(unfriended, so nothing to see, I was just scratching the itch of seeing if he was still friends with a friend of mine--i.e., will he notice me being in touch with that person? Will he have to remember I exist?) and saw he had updated his profile picture. It was a selfie taken outside near some bridge yesterday. Not any place in NYC where we live, so maybe this is the week he was traveling out of town for business. Which IC yesterday. And that's his decision, his schedule, his life, nothing to do with me anymore--but I was still devastated to think, a) that he is living his life so totally apart from me that I have no idea where he even is any given day; b) here I am waiting for a breakthrough from an appointment he never had, investing myself in hoping for something from him, when I know all he does is disappoint me again and again.

Anyway. Here I am, setting myself up for disappointment for no good reason.

I'm moving my stuff out this weekend, seeing old friends, making new ones, trying to mourn the betrayal, but my heart has not caught up with my head yet and I feel so stupid for that. Like I'm pretending to have made all this progress but really, nope, still not detached.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4324 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
♀ 40715
Member # 40715
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No you are not.

I see you give great, heart-felt advice to people all the time.

Cut yourself some slack! You've moved on, it's over, you're doing other things... the 'feelings' stuff takes time...and more time!

That being said, do you REALLY want to know what he discusses in counselling?

Probably not, but you're maintaining a link, perhaps an email to him saying that it was a nice idea but on reflection not the best choice for you... and then do a bit more 180-type moving on and NC?

Kia kaha

There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens

Posts: 266 | Registered: Sep 2013
♀ 42110
Member # 42110
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It will get better. We all heal at our own pace. All I can say is that when I compare month to month - it does get marginally better. It is still not
"good" but it is not as bad as it was. So there is always hope. Focus on what you have to do for you. Find something else to focus on (not him). Whatever it might be - it really does not matter. That is what gets me through, day to day. I wish you the best.

Me -BW
Him - WH
Dday 7/11/2013
DS - 12 and DD - 16

Posts: 334 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast
♀ 39850
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are not an idiot at all. You care about him. Even if you've made a decision to not be with him, you still care about him. It's hard to detach from those feelings. I'm going through the same thing.

It might help you if you truly block him, that way you can't see what he's doing. I'm not the best person to give that advice though, since I'd never do the same thing myself.

Posts: 1758 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just need to remember to take it day by day, forgive myself for my feelings, and try to accentuate the's easier to give that advice than follow it I guess! Thanks all.

Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4324 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Topic Posts: 5

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