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mamazen posted 2/12/2014 19:09 PM

Sorry guys I know I'm relatively new here but I lurk a lot and consider you wise rational souls.

I am having a nervous breakdown now, probably related to Valentines Day. WS continues to see AP, an ex-famiy friend. He spends every night without the kids, with her. I am making animalistic noises imitating them. I have sheer hatred for what he has done and what he continues to do. He has shown my sons that when marriage gets hard, just shut up and find someone else. He has shown them that mommy is not love-able. It's OK to break up two families just to satisfy the narcissistic need for appreciation and "love". Who gives a shit that there are 4 children involved, 4 children who are all friends and like each other? Yeah, my dad's banging your slut mother….well yeah your dad's a bastard for breaking up my family (this conversation hasn't happened yet); great for the friendship right?

My WH is a selfish scared coward little boy afraid of anything other than pollyanna attitudes. He needs a mommy to stroke him constantly, god forbid if there are any lessons to learn. Ooooooh gee our marriage needs work? Are you talking to me? Well I can't heeeeearrr you, my fingers are in my ears, lalalalalalala let me go find someone else now.

Look what a big shot I am…..master of the grand gesture……hey did you know my WIFE is actually paying for our little trip? Yeah, l just take it out of the credit margin after SHE pays the mortgage…aren't you impressed with how much money it looks like I have? Oh and BTW can you pay for the next trip since your ex is richer than mine, wow did you clean up! Let's just walk into the sunset with our settlements. Leave the families in the dust. Oh BTW wife, when are you going to start giving me child support since you cut me off the credit margin you big meanie??? A man's gotta live you know.

And right now at this moment THEY ARE DOING IT (I just erased the explicit description). I can't breathe.

I am considering moving back to my home country just to not have this in my face constantly.


I am losing my mind

gahurts posted 2/12/2014 19:39 PM


I don't have any real advice but I want you to know you've been heard. Please breathe deeply and try to settle your nerves. This is hell but you need to take care of yourself. I was in-house separated with xWW and she was leaving every weekend and during the week to be with OM. It was disgusting. Focus on yourself and your children. I hope your D will be over soon.

Chippednotbroken posted 2/12/2014 20:06 PM

Sorry! Can you go do something else for a little while take your mind off it? He is isn't worth you getting all worked up.

nekorb posted 2/12/2014 20:24 PM

You care because you were married for 19 years and you aren't very far out from DDay.

Your mind hasn't caught up with the current status quo. Or maybe just your heart hasn't caught up.

I'm quite a ways out, have an unremoRseful WS, and I still can't stop loving/caring about him.

SurelyNOT posted 2/12/2014 21:22 PM

What nekorb says. It does get more tolerable with time. Sending ((( HUGS ))) your way.
Sometimes it has to get worse before it gets better. Hang in there because it is a bumpy ride. I sure don't have all the answers, I'm just six months out since d-day, but I can assure you I'm not as full of despair as I was.
I hope things get better for you and your children

roarlouder posted 2/12/2014 21:25 PM

The best advice I've got from this forum is vent here, then go do something else- something for you, something you enjoy, something that will take your mind off of it.

So vent away, and then try to focus on something else even if just 10 min.

mamazen posted 2/12/2014 21:59 PM

Thanks everyone. Yeah I'm seeing it's a bumpy ride. Guess I forgot my seatbelt and got thrown. Holy sh… I do NOT like these feelings!

It's beginning to cycle again. Having fantasies of calling her on her cell and waking her and him up.

Virginiagirl posted 2/12/2014 22:16 PM

You'll thank yourself later for not doing it (calling)! Just enjoy the can be as bitchy as you want in your own mind. :) They are making themselves look like assholes quite well all by themselves. Somewhere deep down they know it. You can shine through this as the bigger person.

Not to say I haven't had a million revenge fantasies. Of course. I will admit I took great pleasure in doing all I could to get her name/phone #/address on every junk mail marketing list I could. Ha I hope she gets her phone blown up with free credit card offers. Teehee. Small...not really traceable..and fun.

But don't give thier messed up heads any ammo to turn any blame around on you. Like I said- they are assholes. The whole world can see it. And even though we betrayed spouses feel like we have made fools of...really its the other way around when you think about it.

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad right now. The swells of emotion do get less deep...the cycles do get shorter. I'm 8 months out. I had a sudden fit of bad sadness on Sunday. Within 3 days I've already passed through that, then anger, and now today I feel almost normal again. It is getting easier. Life is becoming normal again. You'll be okay!!!

SurelyNOT posted 2/13/2014 10:56 AM

Virginiagirl ^^^^^^^^^ - I love your little act of revenge - you've just given me a great idea, harmless but annoying nonetheless.
Sending good wishes to ALL of us who find ourselves in this awful predicament.

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