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Newest Member: Irishprincess (61813)

User Topic: I don't need him.
♀ 41740
Member # 41740
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H is gone this week for a work trip and I've been noticing how differently I feel compared to pre-A work trips.
Before the A I was so needy. He was basically the center of my universe and I barely made a move with out thinking about him, what would he think? Would he approve? Will this make him happy or will this upset him? This dynamic was partly by his design, he wanted to control me as a way of keeping me from finding out about his multiple A's over the first 13 years of our marriage, and partly because of my issues of codependency and my willingness to just take the path of least resistance.
When he had to stay overnight for work or go on a trip my life came to a screeching halt. I needed him.
I don't need him in that way anymore and that is so freeing!! The difference now is that I want him. He is strictly an enhancement to my life now. He is my companion and my lover. I don't hold him responsible for my happiness, and I have to think that must be pretty damn freeing for him too!
Change is possible! Our marriage is not perfect, probably never will be, but it has gotten so much better. Our old stuff still creeps back on a regular basis and we have to be aware and vigilant about working on our marriage. But things are definitely different, this is the new normal and I'm okay with it.

BS 39
fWH 38
DDs 19,16,11


Posts: 139 | Registered: Dec 2013
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wonderful post! Just wonderful!

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 10172 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♂ 30369
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MandMs - Probably one of the biggest steps in progress in my healing has been knowing that *I* will be okay no matter what. Great update. Glad to see that things are improving and that you are gaining so much strength!

Posts: 30662 | Registered: Dec 2010
♀ 37575
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Reminds me of a book I used to live by in the 80's, Why do I think I am nothing without a man? That's what I am talking about!!!
Love your post, thanks for sharing!

Me: BW Him: FWH in our 50's
DDay June 1st 2012
cheated with prostitutes overseas

Posts: 700 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 17054 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
♀ 41740
Member # 41740
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, maybe I do need himů.. to snowblow our driveway. We got a foot of snow last night! The first time I truly missed him this week was this morning when I was out there clearing the driveway. haha!

BS 39
fWH 38
DDs 19,16,11


Posts: 139 | Registered: Dec 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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