My H is gone this week for a work trip and I've been noticing how differently I feel compared to pre-A work trips.
Before the A I was so needy. He was basically the center of my universe and I barely made a move with out thinking about him, what would he think? Would he approve? Will this make him happy or will this upset him? This dynamic was partly by his design, he wanted to control me as a way of keeping me from finding out about his multiple A's over the first 13 years of our marriage, and partly because of my issues of codependency and my willingness to just take the path of least resistance.
When he had to stay overnight for work or go on a trip my life came to a screeching halt. I needed
I don't need him in that way anymore and that is so freeing!! The difference now is that I want him. He is strictly an enhancement to my life now. He is my companion and my lover. I don't hold him responsible for my happiness, and I have to think that must be pretty damn freeing for him too!
Change is possible! Our marriage is not perfect, probably never will be, but it has gotten so much better. Our old stuff still creeps back on a regular basis and we have to be aware and vigilant about working on our marriage. But things are definitely different, this is the new normal and I'm okay with it.