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new member - how do you stop the visions and compusions?

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brokeninside23 posted 2/12/2014 21:14 PM

My wife admitted to a year and a half affair with an old ex. She told me a few months back. It ripped my heart out and have lost all confidence. We are trying to work on things and going to counselling.
After the admission I also found out about someone she has had flirty emails with. I love my wife but she is not who I thought she was.
I can't get the nasty images out of my mind and I am paranoid about her emails, facebook, etc. She did have the affair guy blocked but I saw her facebook and neiher the afair guy and email guy are now blocked. How should I handle this? Thanks

CantLoseHope posted 2/12/2014 21:21 PM

<brokeninside>

I first want to tell you how sorry I am that you find yourself here, but on the other hand given your situation this is a great place to be with much support.

As for you question about stopping the visions...... unfortunately only time will cure the visions.... they will get fewer and fewer I can promise you that.

As for your wife's OM#1 and OM#2 not being blocked on her facebook anymore, I personally would call her out on that and ask her why...... I want to mention a book she should probably read "Not "just friends"".

It seems like she is letting her boundaries down again, why? I don't know that is something you would need to ask her... but I definitely suggest bringing it to her attention..... because if you both have agreed to work on things and are in counseling then there is no reason why she should still be allowing either of these men any contact with her.

I hope the conversation goes well, and I hope things start improving for you soon!

brokeninside23 posted 2/12/2014 21:30 PM

Thanks so much. I agree, I have to bring it out. If not it will drive me crazy and really not help me move forward. If we are going to make it then all has to be on the table and past relationships completely over on social media. Thanks again, just the push I needed.

CantLoseHope posted 2/12/2014 22:14 PM

youre welcome <brokeninside>
I am glad I could help.
Transparency and boundaries are going to be two of the most important things in order for her to earn your trust back.

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