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jjsr posted 2/12/2014 21:18 PM

it is our 25th wedding anniversary. For several years I didn't think we were going to make it. Its been a rough road at times. One of the things I have learned and am still learning in MC, is that he is doing the work and is showing me that he loves me and is committed EVEN though its not the way I think it should be. He is showing me in the ways he knows how to show me. I have had to learn to get out of my own way in this area. I have yet to say the words that I forgive him, as some things I think are unforgivable, but I am ready to move past them. We are getting better.
For those of you at the beginning of this journey thru hell, and for those who are feeling hopeless, if he or she is doing the work or trying to do the work, it may not look like what you think it should look like BUT if they are really doing the work, it does get better. We are going to a Bed and Breakfast for 2 days over the weekend to celebrate where we are now. I hope for all of you who want to get there, that you do.

CantLoseHope posted 2/12/2014 21:24 PM

<jjsr>

Thank you for your strong words of hope, it is much appreciated

May I ask you what you mean when you say hes doing the work and showing he loves you even though its not the way you think it should be? I was wondering if you felt comfortable giving some examples of this.....

I think it would help me because I think we are all guilty of this sometimes, because for the simple fact that everyone is different.

jjsr posted 2/12/2014 22:17 PM

My husband is the kind of guy who has a hard time showing emotions. I am all about emotions. I wanted him to show me in an emotional way. He tried but it not as big as I wanted. I would get angry about that until the MC told me I was getting in my own way. Now I see what he is doing. An example, I have been sick lately. He comes home and if I am not feeling well, he will cook dinner, ask me if I need him to do anything in the house etc. These are all ways he is showing me he loves and cares about me. I just had to see it.

mesoSTUPID posted 2/12/2014 22:19 PM

I have yet to say the words that I forgive him, as some things I think are unforgivable, but I am ready to move past them.

jjsr (HUGS) to you. This week was my 2nd anti-versary. I am no where near forgiveness and therefore unable to say those words to him.

I completely understand what you mean that WH is doing the work. I just wonder why sometimes it feels like it's not good enough?

I don't know what else I want from him. Sometimes everything feels like its not good enough. Yet there is nothing that he doesn't do. I feel like I am unfair to him.

I don't want to bring you down. On the contrary, thank you for your post. I feel I am not alone.

:)

jjsr posted 2/13/2014 16:10 PM

I understand the feeling of is it good enough. Our MC explained to me, if he is doing the work, even if it doesn't look like I think it should look, then if you want to really R, it has to be good enough. Because if you don't, nothing will ever be good enough and then its time to D. KWIM??