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Is There Hope?

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Hoping2survive posted 2/12/2014 21:20 PM

We've been working on R-ing for over two years now. WH has been remorseful - AFTER he went through his withdrawal symptoms and I had to watch and listen to him pine away for OW (who he had a very short term A with that lasted about a week).
During this time, I have learned a LOT about myself, about relationships, and about communication! So, I don't regret the time we have spent, so far, working on things.
But, I still find myself feeling the betrayal, the hurt, and wonder if I can ever really put this fully behind me. WH is devastated and is pretty much offering to do whatever it takes. I still love him, or I wouldn't be here. But I'm wondering if anybody else experiences this uncertainty? And if so, does it eventually go away? I'm not sure I can live in a relationship like this forever.

Lowlow posted 2/12/2014 21:41 PM

I think uncertainty is natural. After all, the WS has now oven us every reason to be uncertain about them.

Does it go away? I hope so. Me me, antiversary is on the 16 th, and I still feel uncertain about everything.

stillhere09 posted 2/12/2014 22:10 PM


If your situation were different and you were saying that he is a serial cheater, then my answer would be different. After a one week affair, and since it's his first one, I would say that in time the uncertainty can go away under proper conditions.

He broke the trust you freely gave. Now it won't be freely given. It has to be earned back.

Marital boundaries must be firmly in place. This means the two of you fully understand what is allowed and what is not allowed, even if they have to be written out and signed by the two of you.

Transparency - No Secrets! Showing up at his work unexpectedly for lunch, for example, should be ok with him. No secret passwords. Access to online phone bill. He doesn't mind you answering his phone, using his phone, etc.

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