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Newest Member: flowerfarmer (61841)

User Topic: Is There Hope?
♀ 32402
Member # 32402
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We've been working on R-ing for over two years now. WH has been remorseful - AFTER he went through his withdrawal symptoms and I had to watch and listen to him pine away for OW (who he had a very short term A with that lasted about a week).
During this time, I have learned a LOT about myself, about relationships, and about communication! So, I don't regret the time we have spent, so far, working on things.
But, I still find myself feeling the betrayal, the hurt, and wonder if I can ever really put this fully behind me. WH is devastated and is pretty much offering to do whatever it takes. I still love him, or I wouldn't be here. But I'm wondering if anybody else experiences this uncertainty? And if so, does it eventually go away? I'm not sure I can live in a relationship like this forever.

D-Day - 4/2011
Married 20 years
DD18, DD15,DS13
Been trying to R - growing weary
In limbo, thinking about LS or D

Posts: 22 | Registered: Jun 2011
♀ 38653
Member # 38653
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think uncertainty is natural. After all, the WS has now oven us every reason to be uncertain about them.

Does it go away? I hope so. Me me, antiversary is on the 16 th, and I still feel uncertain about everything.

Me (BS) 45 Him (FWS) 46
AP#2 (LTA EA/PA) DD #1 16 Feb 2013
AP#1 (LTA EA with my BF) DD #2 16 Nov2013
OW2 breaks no contact after 4.5 years! Back to square one

Posts: 797 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Neither here nor there
♀ 24924
Member # 24924
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If your situation were different and you were saying that he is a serial cheater, then my answer would be different. After a one week affair, and since it's his first one, I would say that in time the uncertainty can go away under proper conditions.

He broke the trust you freely gave. Now it won't be freely given. It has to be earned back.

Marital boundaries must be firmly in place. This means the two of you fully understand what is allowed and what is not allowed, even if they have to be written out and signed by the two of you.

Transparency - No Secrets! Showing up at his work unexpectedly for lunch, for example, should be ok with him. No secret passwords. Access to online phone bill. He doesn't mind you answering his phone, using his phone, etc.

Me-50 BW

Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M

Posts: 3204 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Ohio
Topic Posts: 3

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