Me: BW 35
Crazz: WH 33
Daughter: 4.5 Going on 16
I'm glad you came to post here. It's a shoulder to lean on when people in IRL don't get it, or are unavailable.
People in my life know, but I really don't have a damn person to talk to about this IRL except for the friends I've made here. The empathetic hurt too much for us, and the self-absorbed don't want to be bothered.
I think that's why we push counseling so much here - it's a great place to get real-life help when nobody else seems to want to talk or offer support.
You've got us, though. We're here and we care. Sending you big hugs and hoping that your H shows some compassion and understanding while he is out of town.
The best person you can turn to is yourself. You are a lot stronger than you think. It is amazing what the mind can do if forced to. At night you go to bed wondering if you can even wake up you are in so much pain then every morning you will wake up just a little stronger. It will come a day that you realize he does not matter, that your feelings are more important than he is and you will stand tall. Believe in yourself. You can do this, you are stronger than you think.
Maybe there are friends or acquaintances you know you have secretly been through this too. Seek out someone you can trust. It's a shame that your bf can't be trusted to keep her mouth shut! But good that you know that. Go for long walks and take time for yourself. Nurture yourself now! You didn't deserve this and this isn't your fault.
Hugs and healing sent your way. Hang in there with us : ) You'll come out the other side much wiser and maybe even happier.
My perspective is that this is worse than a death in the family because there is never any closure (or if there is it is years later). It is more akin to a festering open sore.
Unlike a death, I can never grieve openly for the loss I suffered due to the A. There are people I have told and people I have not told. My family knows, some close friends, and a few co-workers (told early on after dDay so they would understand the loss in my productivity).
My fear in telling people and allowing this to live in the real world is the judgements people make when they hear about it. They don't do it to be hurtful but more because it is one of those things that you cannot understand unless you have been in these shoes.
I had a friend who discovered her husband's affair about a year before my dDay. From the sidelines, before my own A experience, I remember thinking more along black and white decisions that she should make. When it happened to me, I spoke with her about the change in perspective and how everything blends into grey on this side.
Anyway, enough of my ramblings. You are not alone - there are so many of us out there.
Ivyivy is right. This is worse than a death of a close one, because it does take so much longer to heal. I had spent the entire 2013 trying to close my mothers estate. In early Dec. it was all done. I felt healed somewhat. WH gave me a months reprieve before it all hit the fan. I'm just a little pissed that my last two years have been full of angst, and now I've got to think in terms of years of healing. It sucks.
You know, you are held hostage, unable to escape the reality of it all. This really happened.
But you can survive and thrive. It's hard to realize that right now, but it's true. You can accept all the truth, make your decisions, and rebuild a good life.