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How to work past the lies?

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1Emptyglass posted 2/12/2014 23:55 PM

We are 2-1/2 yrs post Dday and I will still catch WH lying to me. Once discovered , he loses all credibility with me again. The lies don't even have to be A related. This has been my main requirement for R. Lies have ranged from contact from the former AP to who knew about the A to questions about if he is drinking while we are apart. (Drinking was a major component to the A) He can't come up with a reason why he lies and I can't live with the lying. things are good for a while, then I get suspicious and ask a question I know the answer to and behold, a lie comes out. WTF? I have forgiven and stayed in R with each discovery, but a piece of me dies with every discovery. I am losing respect and love for my WH with each discovery. Any WS's out the with some insight on why the lies keep coming? I am back in IC, he is not. I am trying to decide if I can cope with the lack of trust to maintain the M or if it is time to cut my losses. He was bawling tonight, professing his devotion, and all I could feel was empty. He is working hard, comes to MC, but emotionally I still fell like he doesn't trust me to know the truth about his feeling & actions. FML

HUFI-PUFI posted 2/13/2014 07:40 AM

There could be a few reasons behind his behavior and instead of writing it all down here, may I suggest that you check out this website.

I found this site to be quite informative in trying to unravel the how and why behind my lies. Reading it may give you some great insight as to why he is lying and more importantly, if he reads it, it can help him figure this out too.

While the lies that he tells you are hurtful, at a certain level, its the lies that he tells himself that are at the root of his behavior. He really needs to spend time and energy doing the hard work at digging down to the root cause for this defensive coping technique.


If a man is to shed the light of the sun upon other men, he must first of all have it within himself - Romain Rolland

1Emptyglass posted 2/13/2014 07:42 AM

Thanks HP I will check out the site.

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