Thanks everyone. It is brutal. You're right, the lying is as bad as the A. H and I have talked about how much "easier" this whole thing could have gone (ha, I know how that sounds!) if he could have just grown a pair and told me everything. I think part of the problem at first, and I'm finally letting myself really examine this, is that he was actually iffy on whether we should stay together after I found out, despite the fact that he was telling me otherwise. He was so deep in the A fog that he couldn't empathize with me and thought only of protecting himself. I think that fog is starting to lift, but who knows.
I suppose I should prepare myself for more. I just need to catch my breath. I can't imagine it getting worse, but everyone time I say that...
Devastated, you've got my H down to a T. He's terrified and on top of that he's a conflict avoider who has learned to clam up whenever there's danger (gotta love counseling) so it's a perfect recipe for TT.
I think that I'm getting to that point of enough is enough. I don't know how much more I can take and the truth is already so much worse than I had imagined that what more proof do I need? I say that now, but in the heat of the moment when a question strikes me, I cannot control myself and demand answers. Need to learn to cool down and think whether knowing that stuff will help or hurt.
How do you ever get to the point that you can tell if it is the truth you are being told or just additional lies. Where do you ever find trust again?
Exactly. This is terrifying to me. I have told H that the only way things can maybe start to get any better is if he can provide a "safe" environment in which I can start to heal. Right now I'm checking over my shoulder waiting for the next shoe to drop. So far that other shoe has always dropped and so I'm unable to heal and unable to trust. It's awful.