Now what?? I have been lied to again. I asked him whether he talked to her bw late nov and mid dec when he called her to break things off and he's consistently said no . I asked again about this last evening and at first he denied but then he confessed.
Idk what to do. I thought he was getting it and then I learn this. I feel sick. How much more can I take? The lies are killing me and he knows it. He said he wanted to come clean even tho he knew it might be the end of the M. How can this not be the end? I'm so hurt.
He said he's now completely transparent and that he knows it's the only way to save the M.
In my experience (4 months of brutal TT), once you hear this, you're halfway to the truth.
My advice? Kick him out / leave / refuse to engage in absolutely anything else (including trying to salvage pieces of the relationship for yourself mentally) until he, of his own accord, brings you the whole story. No amount of pleading, drawing lines in the sand or threatening will help. He has to know you will get the truth or walk - and he has to come to a place to offer the truth in the spirit of absolute honesty.
ETA: When I did this, WH kept trying to bring me small "truths" to make me capitulate and come home. I kept saying, "That's nice. But that's not all. Come back when you're ready to tell the truth." Finally I got a big chunk of it. Still wasn't all of it, but I got through the big wall.
[This message edited by Thessalian at 6:54 AM, February 13th (Thursday)]
7 years of double-digit ONS, LTA, hookers - the works.
First found out: August 20, 2013
Whole truth: January 1, 2014
I suppose I should prepare myself for more. I just need to catch my breath. I can't imagine it getting worse, but everyone time I say that...
Devastated, you've got my H down to a T. He's terrified and on top of that he's a conflict avoider who has learned to clam up whenever there's danger (gotta love counseling) so it's a perfect recipe for TT.
I think that I'm getting to that point of enough is enough. I don't know how much more I can take and the truth is already so much worse than I had imagined that what more proof do I need? I say that now, but in the heat of the moment when a question strikes me, I cannot control myself and demand answers. Need to learn to cool down and think whether knowing that stuff will help or hurt.
How do you ever get to the point that you can tell if it is the truth you are being told or just additional lies. Where do you ever find trust again?
Exactly. This is terrifying to me. I have told H that the only way things can maybe start to get any better is if he can provide a "safe" environment in which I can start to heal. Right now I'm checking over my shoulder waiting for the next shoe to drop. So far that other shoe has always dropped and so I'm unable to heal and unable to trust. It's awful.