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Limbo - 3 years and counting

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frigidfire86 posted 2/13/2014 08:00 AM

I've started and deleted this post many times. I just really don't know what to say. I'll probably ramble a lot.

D-Day was nearly three years ago and I'm still stuck. I have a plan to leave, but it's going to be a while. I wish my H was either 100% remorseful and willing to do anything to fix our M...or he was a complete asshole hell bent on making me miserable. Either way would be better than the huge amount of rugsweeping and his inability to see the damage he caused. He hasn't done anything to make this better, except the random tidbit every few months to get my hopes up.

The few times we did go to MC he was told to plan a date for us. That was over four months ago and it hasn't happened. Hell, three years later and I'm still waiting for an apology.

I wonder if I've waited too long and should have left a long time ago. I can't imagine it'll be any easier for our daughter as she gets older. I would just prefer to finish school so I can get more than a minimum wage job. I don't want her to grow up poor like I did.

Sometimes I still think about what it would be like to remain married to him. We used to talk about it all the time, our future plans. I know that leaving would take those dreams away and, it probably sounds so stupid, but I don't want to give that future up. I have a lifestyle that I like and leaving would change everything.

I think the worst part of all of this isn't his A. At this point, I really don't give a shit that he had sex with someone else. I rarely think of it. The worst part is that I'm not important enough to fight for. He's not willing to do the hard work for me. I could up and leave tomorrow and I don't think he'd care. I'm not worth it.

Anyone want to help me finish my degree faster? I shouldn't have changed my major so many times; I'd be done already. I feel so horrbily guilty that I regret being a SAHM for all these years because of the pickle I'm in now.

Well, I have to pick my mini-me up at the bus stop. Thanks for reading and sorry for the rambling.

Ivyivy posted 2/13/2014 08:46 AM

Do what you need to do for you and your daughter. If you need to stay to finish school, do that and try to focus on school and your daughter, not him.

Also, speak to an attorney and find out your options if you were to separate or divorce. It never hurts to really understand all of your options.

Unfortunately, none of the options are ideal or what you signed up for. I am in limbo too, for some of the same reasons as you and for some different reasons. You are not alone in this...

Skye posted 2/13/2014 08:49 AM

IMHO, at your age, three years is enough. You are so young and have your entire life ahead of you. If you want the life you're leading without expecting a change, stay, but if you want more, you need to get unstuck. Only you know what you want. Achieving it isn't going to be easy and it is going to be scary, but limbo is the worst.

It seems to me that after three years, there is no reason for your husband to change. I also think you hit the nail on the head. The affair was and it's over. He doesn't care enough about you to make the marriage work the way you need it to. He doesn't have your dreams. Wouldn't it be nice to share your dreams with someone who has the same dreams?

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